Thursday, February 22, 2007

Zodic Killer Conclusion

Zodiac Killer conclusion

Its what you've been waiting for (all 3 of you). Its time for the action packed finale to the Zodiac Killer story(fucking finally, right?)!!!So sit back and get ready to find out which of the janky zodiac archetypes would do all those horrible unspeakable things.But first, unless you want to go back and read the last 4 or so installments lets review those awful unspeakable things by first speaking about them.

The whole complicated mess started when Taurus was found engulfed in flames after spontaneously combusting! This was no act of god....and nearly every member of the zodiac had a motive cuz Taurus was skanky janky, fer real. You don't need to go over the motives of the members of the zodiac who have since fallen as we know they aren't the killer and its just in poor taste to take of the ill deeds of the dead.

Capricorn was the next to go I believe. Cap was injected with some newly invented (by me for storyline purposes) drug and buried alive!! That must suck. But Cappys death left an important clue. The killer was carrying on a torrid affair with the now dead goat(not a real goat. Capricorn is represented by some kind of goat thing.)
Aquarius died in a rather contrived stupid way that the writers now regret but are too lazy to go back in time and fix. Apparently the killer was CEO of some company that released chemicals years ago and Aquarius died of cancer.I know your left with some questions like.1).how did the killer make that happen.? 2)Did they plan this years ago? 3)Are you trying to insult my intelligence? The answers are 1)I can't reveal that or you might try it and hurt someone and I don't want that responsibility. 2)Sure, they planned it years ago. 3)yes, but I didn't think you were smart enough to figure that out..good for you!
Libra- was found inside of a pinata stabbed to death and spilling out blood when the kids started hitting it with a stick. It turns out Libra was barely hanging onto life and could have been saved but those kids just kept hitting the pinata and hitting it and so Lib was kinda beat to death by first graders. Tragic.
Leo- was killed in a way that comes right out of the film Crank. So I guess you could say the writers were lacking imagination and just wanted Leo dead no matter how it happened. So Leo was shot full of a chemical that made his heart race in a way that if it went below a certain level he died. You could say that Leo and the bus from Speed had much in common and in the end they both went Kaboom! Leo could have maybe held on for a while longer until the cure was given, but that would require jogging briskly for at least an hour and Leo felt death was the better option.
Cancer- Cancer rescued Gemini and Leo from a stripper closet fire that the killer had started. The two of them had just found a clue to the identity of the killer. Unluckily the killer injected the pink panther Cancer used in a dirty strip routine with aggression drugs and it ate Cancer. Does it seem like the killer uses lots of weird drugs? Maybe he or she is a chemist. or a dealer.

When we last left our astrological friends a few of them were in dire circumstances. After the fire Gemini was nowhere to be found. Was he lost in the fire? Was he the killer? Virgo was just about to open the letter that reveals the killers identity when he was drugged (again with the drugs?) and awoke in the killers basement tied and gagged. Scorpio had been out at a club I believe and was using the bathroom facilities but as she walked in the restroom she turned and saw the killer standing right in front of her!

Aries had just been tied up and gagged by her former sex slave/FBI agent that she had kept in the basement. Sagitarius and Pisces weren't doing anything worth repeating here, the boring bastards. And so we will check in and see what the fate of the star signs will be......

5 Little Indians -The Conclusion to the Zodiac Killer

Virgo started to wake up from the daze the drugs had caused
and realized that he was bound and gagged. There was a figure
standing above and he tried to make out who it was. Standing
above Virgo was none other than Gemini!!How could that be?
Gemini and Virgo had a good thing going..or at least had some
really great sex. And you don't kill someone you have really
sex with do you? Thats not the was Virgo's mom raised him,
thats for sure. It must be Gemini's evil twin right? Maybe by
trying to appeal to the good twin it will save Virgo. Wrong!
It was the evil twin that Virgo had been sleeping with...and now
less evil twin was gonna put an end to it. Thats when the twins
started fighting each other...with the evil twin chocking the twin
formerly known as the good one into submission..don't ask how they
did that.Evil twin reunited with Virgo...but didn't untie him as
there were things that he wanted to do to Virgo that just don't
get done unless Virgo's tied up like that. You know how it is.

Scorpio turns in the bathroom of the club and sees the killer!
She sees the killer in the mirror! She sees her own reflection..
get it. Scorpio really is a killer. She smiles at how cliche it
is that shes the killer. Those damn fools always typecasting her
the villain. You will show them to always place you in the role of
of the bad guy/super ho. You will murder the bastards and make
them pay. But the thought of that makes you horny.You find
Pisces has just walked in the bathroom in a slinky black dress
and you can't control yourself. You both have kinky sex in the
stall stopping only to let Sagittarius join in. Ironically Scorpio
wants to try a little auto asphyxiation to make things really
hot. But sag and Pisces get so into each other they forget to take
noose off of Scorpios neck that was gonna cause a killer orgasm
but instead just offed the killer.Oh Fuck...SAG and Pisces get the
hell out of there and decide never to tell anybody anything.

Standing in the back at Scorpios funeral is her good friend. This
friend is the only one who knows Scorpio's secret. Thats because they
share this secret together. Scorpio wasn't working alone. She
was working with Gemini!! Will Gemini avenge his fallen comrade?
Will he get rid of the rest of them? Or will he plant evidence that
Scorpio was indeed the killer and get out while he can cuz he
is bored of being a serial killer already. it was fun at first,
but you know how bad he is about finishing projects.

Virgo wakes up from a deep sleep. The shower is running and he
goes to see who it is. He opens the door expecting Gemini and
inside the steamy shower is Taurus!!! Shes not dead?? was only
a dream! Sheesh! Hows that for insulting your intelligence?
Next time you regular horoscope will finally be back. well..unless
its the musical zodiac I have planned.

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