BJ and Brother Dean for April 23rd

Channel 214 presents the BJ and Brother Dean show with your hosts...its the man who loves his fire and brimstone. He knows why your going to Hell and isn't afraid to tell you..it's thats crazy God Lovin' preacher man...Brother Dean!!!



Brother Dean- God Loves you...well some of you.He used to.



And his co host...the guy who couldn't be any easier to get into bed. He thinks being called a whore is compliment..its BJ the whore.

BJ- There really isn't anything bad about being called a whore. At least a whore gets paid to do what a slut does for free. Not that theres an anything wrong with being a slut either. But at the very least get yourself a cigarette or some cab fare. Hi everybody.



Brother Dean- Why in the name of all that is holey are you dressed like some kind  of s and m loving angel of death.



BJ- Nothing else was clean. I never thought of it as angel of death...hmmm...kinky. I can work with that. Lets take a call.

My husband has been nagging

me lately to take part in a sexual fantasy he has been dreaming

about for the past several months. I'm always willing to spice

up our sex life, but his most recent fantasy has me not knowing

what to do. He wants me to give him a hand job while we take

our car through an automatic car wash. Can you please advise

me on this?

Clean and Jerk



Nashville Tennessee

Brother Dean- I want you to ask yourself a question little miss dirty pants. Who is the automatic station attendant in your life? It's God. Do you think God wants to be doing his business and look over and see you abusing your husband to the rhythm of the rinse cycle?

BJ- I wouldn't mind a surprise like that while I'm working...

Brother Dean- Well if all of creation is ever suddenly ruled by a PERVERT we can all play with our things like little joysticks in the car wash..but last I heard the man upstairs wasn't into getting pissed on while eating ice cream out of somebody's rear end.

BJ- good times. FYI though...when selecting ice cream that goes along with the eating of the ass, don't pick chocolate. just doesn't look as appetizing.

Brother Dean- To sum it all up, A woman should never even look directly at her husbands sin pole much less do it where somebody else might see. Have fun fornicating in the car wash of hell.

BJ- That reminds me of when I used to give hand jobs at the "Clean as a Whistle Car Wash" after school to make some extra spending money. Back then you could take your handjob money and go see a movie and still have enough for the popcorn. Nowadays you can say good bye to that popcorn. Its expensive.  Anyway, if you don't do that little fantasy for your husband somebody else will. Hey...is this the Clean and Jerks or south Nashville? Nevermind...somebody already has. Small World.

Brother Dean- You fornicated with that womans husband?

BJ- God no. I just jerked him off for candy bar money .Anyway..we have to go. I left a bunch of naked drug crazed strangers in my apartment and need to be getting back. Until next time....Have fun!

Brother Dean- Pray for your immortal soul. Goodnight.

BJ and Brother Dean for April 23rd

Channel 214 presents the BJ and Brother Dean show with your hosts...its the man who loves his fire and brimstone. He knows why your going to Hell and isn't afraid to tell you..it's thats crazy God Lovin' preacher man...Brother Dean!!!



Brother Dean- God Loves you...well some of you.He used to.



And his co host...the guy who couldn't be any easier to get into bed. He thinks being called a whore is compliment..its BJ the whore.

BJ- There really isn't anything bad about being called a whore. At least a whore gets paid to do what a slut does for free. Not that theres an anything wrong with being a slut either. But at the very least get yourself a cigarette or some cab fare. Hi everybody.



Brother Dean- Why in the name of all that is holey are you dressed like some kind  of s and m loving angel of death.



BJ- Nothing else was clean. I never thought of it as angel of death...hmmm...kinky. I can work with that. Lets take a call.

My husband has been nagging
me lately to take part in a sexual fantasy he has been dreaming
about for the past several months. I'm always willing to spice
up our sex life, but his most recent fantasy has me not knowing
what to do. He wants me to give him a hand job while we take
our car through an automatic car wash. Can you please advise
me on this?

Clean and Jerk


Nashville Tennessee

Brother Dean- I want you to ask yourself a question little miss dirty pants. Who is the automatic station attendant in your life? It's God. Do you think God wants to be doing his business and look over and see you abusing your husband to the rhythm of the rinse cycle?

BJ- I wouldn't mind a surprise like that while I'm working...

Brother Dean- Well if all of creation is ever suddenly ruled by a PERVERT we can all play with our things like little joysticks in the car wash..but last I heard the man upstairs wasn't into getting pissed on while eating ice cream out of somebody's rear end.

BJ- good times. FYI though...when selecting ice cream that goes along with the eating of the ass, don't pick chocolate. just doesn't look as appetizing.

Brother Dean- To sum it all up, A woman should never even look directly at her husbands sin pole much less do it where somebody else might see. Have fun fornicating in the car wash of hell.

BJ- That reminds me of when I used to give hand jobs at the "Clean as a Whistle Car Wash" after school to make some extra spending money. Back then you could take your handjob money and go see a movie and still have enough for the popcorn. Nowadays you can say good bye to that popcorn. Its expensive.  Anyway, if you don't do that little fantasy for your husband somebody else will. Hey...is this the Clean and Jerks or south Nashville? Nevermind...somebody already has. Small World.

Brother Dean- You fornicated with that womans husband?

BJ- God no. I just jerked him off for candy bar money .Anyway..we have to go. I left a bunch of naked drug crazed strangers in my apartment and need to be getting back. Until next time....Have fun!

Brother Dean- Pray for your immortal soul. Goodnight.

BJ and Brother Dean for April 23rd

Channel 214 presents the BJ and Brother Dean show with your hosts...its the man who loves his fire and brimstone. He knows why your going to Hell and isn't afraid to tell you..it's thats crazy God Lovin' preacher man...Brother Dean!!!



Brother Dean- God Loves you...well some of you.He used to.



And his co host...the guy who couldn't be any easier to get into bed. He thinks being called a whore is compliment..its BJ the whore.

BJ- There really isn't anything bad about being called a whore. At least a whore gets paid to do what a slut does for free. Not that theres an anything wrong with being a slut either. But at the very least get yourself a cigarette or some cab fare. Hi everybody.



Brother Dean- Why in the name of all that is holey are you dressed like some kind  of s and m loving angel of death.



BJ- Nothing else was clean. I never thought of it as angel of death...hmmm...kinky. I can work with that. Lets take a call.

My husband has been nagging
me lately to take part in a sexual fantasy he has been dreaming
about for the past several months. I'm always willing to spice
up our sex life, but his most recent fantasy has me not knowing
what to do. He wants me to give him a hand job while we take
our car through an automatic car wash. Can you please advise
me on this?

Clean and Jerk


Nashville Tennessee

Brother Dean- I want you to ask yourself a question little miss dirty pants. Who is the automatic station attendant in your life? It's God. Do you think God wants to be doing his business and look over and see you abusing your husband to the rhythm of the rinse cycle?

BJ- I wouldn't mind a surprise like that while I'm working...

Brother Dean- Well if all of creation is ever suddenly ruled by a PERVERT we can all play with our things like little joysticks in the car wash..but last I heard the man upstairs wasn't into getting pissed on while eating ice cream out of somebody's rear end.

BJ- good times. FYI though...when selecting ice cream that goes along with the eating of the ass, don't pick chocolate. just doesn't look as appetizing.

Brother Dean- To sum it all up, A woman should never even look directly at her husbands sin pole much less do it where somebody else might see. Have fun fornicating in the car wash of hell.

BJ- That reminds me of when I used to give hand jobs at the "Clean as a Whistle Car Wash" after school to make some extra spending money. Back then you could take your handjob money and go see a movie and still have enough for the popcorn. Nowadays you can say good bye to that popcorn. Its expensive.  Anyway, if you don't do that little fantasy for your husband somebody else will. Hey...is this the Clean and Jerks or south Nashville? Nevermind...somebody already has. Small World.

Brother Dean- You fornicated with that womans husband?

BJ- God no. I just jerked him off for candy bar money .Anyway..we have to go. I left a bunch of naked drug crazed strangers in my apartment and need to be getting back. Until next time....Have fun!

Brother Dean- Pray for your immortal soul. Goodnight.

A Fond Farewell To A Friend

A Fond Farewell To A Friend

Tuesday morning I woke up to find a frantic voice mail from my best friend Jennifer asking me to call her back right away. It was obvious something really bad happened, so immediately I thought something had happened to her grandmother and my heart started to hurt. I wanted to put off calling until later because I'm not one to seek out bad news. If it can be put off until tomorrow you know I will. But my duties as a friend took priority so I lit a cigarette and waited for the bad news.

Jenn answered and when she told me her mother had died that morning it knocked the air out of me just as violent as if someone had punched me in the stomach. Cherri wasn't in good health, but she was only 52 years old, just a couple years older than my mom or Cain. It didn't feel real a week ago and it doesn't feel real now on the eve of the funeral either. I didn't know what to say to my best friend who had just lost her mom, I still don't. There are no words, only falsely pseudo comforting platitudes. I think "Oh my god" was probably what I managed to get out.
The cause of death is still unknown but the reason being offerer ed for now is something about a bleeding ulcer and she may have bled to death. I don't know. She had just had surgery on her hand due to a spider bite a couple days before among other health problems.No explanation feels right.
If you knew Cherri, which the majority of people who lived in the area I come from did, you knew she was a force to be reckoned with. Everybody knows Cheri.l Until recently she ran the Yamhill county division of the Oregon Food Bank, under the name YCAP , along with being an advocate for the GLBT community and for patients with HIV and AIDS. That was in addition to all the other work she did that I never knew about. She once made a big turkey dinner on her own and took it to the park for the homeless on Thanksgiving. That wasn't part of any organization, it was just something that she wanted to do.
I'm not trying to proclaim here as a saint, Cherri was all too human. She had her issues that she was struggling with just like the rest of us. But even as her health declined she stayed a strong woman. I mean no disrespect, but she could be one tough Bitch and you didn't want to stand in her way cuz she would more than likely run you down. Like her two daughters though, her tough outer shell was just a front to protect her from the truth of how sensitive she was. It feels weird writing about her in the past tense.
Wednesday and Thursday I went back home to McMinnville (only an hour from where I live in Portland for those who don't know) to just be there for Jenn and her family while they dealt with funeral arrangements and other family drama that couldn't have picked a worse time to flare up if it tired.
Until know, as I sit in front of the computer processing the last weeks events, I really haven't thought about how I feel. My job was to be strong for Jenn while I was there, and when I came home I let my brain stay in auto pilot mode.I knew Cherri for almost 17 years, when me, Jenn and Patty became friends in high school. She took me to my first and most important Gay Pride Parade back in '97 when I was coming out (with Ellen) and she briefly toyed with the idea of being a lesbian. (It didn't take. I don't think she could bring herself to eat out any more than I could, and she married her sixth husband soon after.) I loved her too, but it's easier to focus on the pain her daughters are going through than to feel any of my own.
I should have went to the viewing of the body yesterday, but I stayed home. That would have made it feel real, but I don't think I want it to be more real. Cherri and I are both Gemini's so I'm sure she would get that it's easier for me to imagine that shes going on about her business and I just keep miss running into her. She was definitely a Gemini. A chatty Kathy with a self destructive streak, who was forever late, and who could use words so skillfully either for the good of mankind or as the most destructive weapons, (verbal napalm).Yeah, I think we both understand a little of what It's like to live the Gemini way.
There's a lesson in here about not leaving things unresolved or something. For the next few months I will make sure I tell my Mom and everybody else that I love them before I say goodbye, but I know theres more to learn here then just that. But for the time being, I don't want to think too much about it. As far as my inner child is concerned Cherri is up to something and I'll be sure to hear about it before long. Some other time. Later.

here is Elliot Smith's Fond Farewell To A Friend...

SkyDiving part I

Skydiving part I
Current mood: accomplished

SkyDiving part I

For at least the past decade I've insisted that one day I want to go skydiving. I want to jump out of a plane and feel what it's like to fly. But thats just one of those things you say but don't really mean, like "If I had one wish I would wish for world peace," or "I don't really watch TV, unless you count PBS." It sounds good, and it makes me look like a better, more exciting person, but I had no intention of ever really doing it. So when my sister called last week and invited me to go skydiving for her 20th birthday I said yes before I had a chance to think about what I was agreeing to. I had claimed a desire to do this for so long I had even fooled myself. By the time I remembered how deathly afraid I was of heights it was too late. The reservations had been made and I even had the day off of work. If I had put that short of notice requesting a day off for any sane activity it would have been denied, but this time I got lucky. Yeah, lucky me alright.
The week leading up to our group suicide attempt found me sick to my stomach with anxiety anytime I imagined jumping out of a perfectly good plane. Part of me was excited, but thats also the part of me that thought taking a one way trip to Amsterdam solo was a good idea when I was 21. That is the aspect of my personality that thought it was reasonable to put tabs of acid in my eyeball so I would get better visuals when i was 18. As a stereotypical Gemini, I am quite familiar with my impulsive evil twin (he goes affectionately by the name of Billy Joe by the way...long story) and the trouble he seeks out. As much as part of me wanted to call it off, I knew it was too late. I knew it, Billy Joe knew it and any other alters I have living in my shattered psyche knew it. I had already told everybody what I was going to be doing and I would rather end up splattered on the ground than chicken out now.
I couldn't sleep the night before due to of a mix of anticipation and dread. As zero hour approached and Billy Joe (my evil twin) still hadn't taken over, my practical side opted to take a mental vacation as well. This left me in a sort of zombie/autopilot state that was under strict orders not to think about anything airplane, way up in the sky related. I could talk about it, but I knew that once I started picturing myself on a plane about to jump the flood gates of anxiety would be open and it would make a freaky bad acid trip look like a picnic.
About noon , on Friday the 13th actually, we had started the trip to Eugene where the cheap game of life and death would begin. My mom, the birthday girl, a kooky but nice friend of my moms and I stopped for lunch at a Mexican restaurant . My sister Mandy was a little too excited. She is like one of those freaks of nature that are born without pain nerves and end up burning their hands off on the stove. In her case she was born without a healthy dose of fear which can be just as dangerous. I wasn't about to put much food in my stomach that was more than likely going to end up flying back in the face of the poor sucker doing the tandem jump with me later, so I opted for a sensible lunch of strawberry margaritas. My mood was elevated some by the sight of my sister in a big birthday sombrero blowing out her candle, hopefully wishing for a absence of blood and guts today.


I gulped down my drink and stepped outside for a smoke. Now was the perfect time to get the fuck out of Dodge. I could hitchhike back to Portland and come up with a brilliant excuse along the way. I could say I was kidnapped by Gypsies. I hadn't used that one in a while. Do gypsies still kidnap people and are there many roving gangs of them in the (where were we?) Independence Oregon area? Probably not, but there were plenty of crack heads around. Nobody would dare to question me if I had been sold into white sex slavery by some desperate meth monkeys. I would just need to lay low for a few months until I eventually resurfaced on a Dateline NBC special. It might even get me on Oprah.
I waited to long coming up with that plausible story and lost my chance of escape. Fuck. Soon we were back on the road. We still had to pick up my sisters former roommate, the awesomely radical Becca and our brother Scott who apparently hadn't been able to come up with a fast excuse to not possibly die either. To be honest, after listening to enough of my Mom and her pal Sarah discussing the latest findings in Woman's Day Magazine jumping out of a plane was starting to sound pretty sweet.
"Did you know Tide doesn't break down fabric?"
"Oh yes, its gentle on fabric."
"You know I didn't know that."
"Oh yes, its gentle on fabric."
"It says here if you want to invigorate your day, the thing to do is put one of your husbands sweaty t-shirts up to your face and inhale. Hmmm...I wonder what thats all about."
"1 out of 5 adults talk to their Mom everyday. I wish I had kids that did that."
"I'm not predjudace, not at all, but those ones that come to this country and don't try to speak English just piss me off!"

Oh my God, please just let me jump out of a plane. That conversation was driving me crazy. Luckily we soon had Scott and Becca with us to counteract the weird patience killing mom talk. Not that we would have to listen to it long, because before we knew it the truck was pulling up to the place I thought of as "The fucking crazy skydiving dive."
....
(Becca makes a blow up doll face and my brother Scott pretends he is as fearless as our crazy sister.)

To be continued...hopefully when I get all the awesome pics and video we took yesterday so I can add them to this story.)

What did they just say? Awesome and sometimes surprsing sex quotes.

What did they just say? Awesome and sometimes surprsing sex quotes.

"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."
-Gloria Leonard

"He who asks is a fool for 5 minutes, but he who does not remains a fool forever."
-Chinese Proverb

"My husband's German. Every night I get dressed up as Poland and he invades me."
-Bette Midler

"Give a man free hands, and you'll know where to find them."
-Mae West


"It's the good girls that keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time."
-Tallulah Bankhead


"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
-Groucho Marx

"If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter."
-George Carlin

"It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up."
-Joan Rivers

"From the moment I was six I felt sexy. And let me tell you it was hell, sheer hell, waiting to do something about it."
-Bette Davis


"Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got." -Sophia Loren
-


It'll be a sad day for sexual liberation when the pornography addict has to settle for the real thing."
-Brendan Francis

Smothered by Political Correctness

Smothered by Political Correctness

In college I took many classes in human sexuality with the idea in the back of my mind that I wanted to become a sex therapist. That idea began to lose its appeal when it became clear that as a sex therapist the majority of my time would be spent less with the interesting, strange and bizarre and more with the more common problem of low sex drive. The idea of sex researcher was and still is very interesting to me however.

Anyway, I really enjoyed most of the psychology and sociology classes I took under the umbrella term of human sexuality. There was one class that I had some issue with, even though it also provided some interesting information. That class was a queer studies class offered by the women's studies department.

Even though it was offered by the Womens studies program, I still held out the stubborn hope that aside from the hours of interesting discussion I might also meet a hot guy or two while fulfilling my graduation requirements. I should add that the hope of meeting hot guys was in the back of my mind for nearly any activity I choose to do from going out with friends for a drink to the more mundane tasks of walking down the street or getting my haircut.

The slightly unrealistic dream of falling in lust with a hot co-ed and spending many educational hours out of class as "lab partners" was dashed as soon as I realized most of my classmates were either straight women or lesbians. The handful of other guys in class were the cool but off limits straight guy or a couple other gay guys I wasn't at all attracted to. Oh well, there was still the interesting discussions to keep me interested in, right? As the first day of class taught me that answer was mostly no.

The reason for that was for me the stifling attitude of political correctness that was ever present. As a Sociology major I know the power of words and language when it comes to disenfranchising and stigmatizing many groups of people. But it can also swing both ways. The first day of class was spent making rules "to better facilitate class discussions." There was a rule for everything, many of them beneficial, but many others that were not. I think it was agreed that we would be called queers other than gay and lesbian. I don't mind the word queer, but to me it is a word charged with political meanings and I don't always want to live my life as a political statement. Still I was fine with that. But as the hour went by the chalkboard was being filled to capacity with all the words I couldn't use unless I wanted to be the target of some very aggressively correct classmates. Just when I thought there couldn't be any more possibly offensive words up shot another hand to prove me wrong.

One rule that I clearly remember was offered earnestly by a cute little lesbian (sorry, queer girl...I mean woman...I mean queer..just queer) with a blue mohawk. (If I'm confusing her with another queer classmate I'm sorry, the cute girl with the blue mohawk just stands out in my mind.) The rule went something like " If someone in class uses the word handicapped to describe another person I'm going to aggressively call them out on that horrible limiting term. Just because a person is in a wheel chair does not make them handicapped. They are differently-abled." I hate to be the bigot here, but I was a nurses aid for many years, and the people I helped care for in wheelchairs were handicapped. They may have been able to do many things, and I also might have learned a lot of valuable lessons from them, but there were many things they could not do. And furthermore, if i was in a wheelchair or had some other issue that made me "differently-abled" I think I would be more offended by the term differently-abled, especially with the patronizing tone I felt it was being used. I may be ignorant to many things, so forgive me if I'm way off, but is the word handicapped now derogatory?

The point is that with all the rules upon rules that were part of that class I felt a bit apprehensive about saying anything. It didn't keep me quiet in the long run, and I think I may have even brought up my feelings about the never ending rules (I really hope I did), but the way they were presented out with all the seriousness of a double funeral with no irony whatsoever was fairly off putting. Words can and do hurt, but the cure can sometimes be just as suffocating to free speech as the problem they are meant to solve.

fuck

The Fucking Disclaimer

If you are offended by the use of bad language fuck off now! Don't read all of this page and then say it annoys you.

Uses of the word Fuck

FUCK is an international word. It doesn't matter where you
are in the world, everyone knows exactly what you mean when you say
"Fuck Off".

It's the atmosphere it creates, that's why you will never read something like:

"Fuck off", he hinted.

Grammatical Usage

In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories, making it one of the most versatile words in the English language.

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Jane) and
intransitive (John and Jane fucked). It can be an active verb
(John fucked Jane) or a passive verb (Jane was fucked by John).
Or an adverb (Jane is a fucking bastard) and
a noun (Jane is a terrific fuck). It can be used as an
adjective (Jane is fucking beautiful).

Further Structures

As you can see there are few words with the versatility of "fuck".
Besides its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to
describe many situations.

"Motherfucking fuckers!"

Greetings	"How the fuck are you?"
Fraud	"I was fucked by the McDonalds Drive Through."
Dismay	"Oh, fuck it."
Trouble	"Well, I guess I'm fucked again."
Aggression	"Fuck you!!!"
Disgust	"Fuck me!!!"
Confusion, Curiosity or Disbelief	"What the fuck....?"
Diffuclty	"I don't understand this fucking thing."
Despair	"Fucked again."
Good Job	"Congratufuckinglations."
Desperation	"Fuckityfuckfuckfuck."
Incompetence	"He fucks up everything."
Disappointment	"This fucking fucker is fucked."
Intelligence	"He's a fucking genius."
Dismissal	"Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself?"
Displeasure	"What the fuck is going on?"
Lost	"Where the fuck are we?"
Disbelief	"Unbefuckinglievable!!!"
Retaliation	"Up your fucking ass!!!"
Laziness	"He's just a fuck-off."
Pain	"Fuck ! that hurt."
Pleasure	"Oooooooh Fuuuuuuck"
Love	"Do ya Fuck on first dates?"
Starting a relationship	"Let's fuck now!"
Surprise	"Fucking hell what was that?"
Admiration	"Nice fucking tits!"
Stupid person	"Dumbfuck!"
Hate	"You Fuck!"
Condemnation	"Fuck that shit!"
Disappointment	"That's not fucking fair."
A poker hand	"A Royal Fuck."
Ignorant person	"Fuckstick."
Denial	"I didn't fucking do it."
Perplexity	"I know fuck all about it."
Apathy	"Who gives a fuck."
Confusion	"What the fuck just happened?"
Resignation	"Oh fuck it."
Suspicion	"Who the fuck are you?"
Panic	"Let's get the fuck out of here!"
Directions	"Fuck off."
Sex	"Let's fuck."
Maternal	"Motherfucker."
Incestuous	"Motherfucker."
Ambiguity	"I'm not so fucking sure."
Agreement	"Absofuckinglutely."
Questioning Authority	"Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Hypocrisy	"Don't you dare fucking swear at me you fucking fucker."
Praising the Lord	"Jesus Fucking Christ."
I have a headache	"Go fuck yourself."
Refusal	"Oh you can fuck right off."
Pissed off	"Fuck the fucking fuckers!"
Be quiet	"Shut the fuck up."
You're right	"Fucking oath." (Australianism)
Ostentation	"He's just bought a big, fuck-off Mercedes."
Sensuousness	"She was wearing a pair of red leather, fuck-me boots."
Confidence	"Fuckin' A."
Rage
Impressed	"That was fucking amazing."
	Oral sex after 30 years of marriage	"Fuck you!" (while passing each other in the hall)
Apathy	"I don't give a fuck."
Bewilderment or Ignorance	"Fucked if I know."
Enraged	"I'm gonna fuck you up!"
Annoyance	"Fuck off, fucker."
Annoyance	"For fuck's sake."
Pissed off	"Fuck you, you fucking fuck."
Tardiness	"It's ten-fucking-thirty already?"
Broken down motorcycle	"Sir, the fucking fucker has fucked up on me.
Professional appraisal of mechanical failure	"It's fucked."
Calling someone	"Oy, fuck face!"
Minors	"Fucklings."
Morons	"Fucktards."
Thanks	"Fuck you very much."

Famous historical quotes

Never forget the words of these famous people.

General Custer	Where did all them fucking Indians come from?
Mayor of Hiroshima	"What the fuck was that?"
Captain of the Titanic	"Where's all the fucking water coming from?"
Michelangelo	"You want me to paint what on the fucking ceiling?"
Einstein	"Any fucker could understand that."
Sean Penn	"Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck"
John Lennon	"Is that a real fucking gun?"
Donald Campbell	"The fucking throttle is stuck."
Anne Boleyn	"Heads are going to fucking roll."
Richard Nixon	"Who's going to fucking know?"
Niki Lauda	"I thought I could fucking smell petrol."
Mark Thatcher	"What fucking map?"
Picasso	"It does fucking look like her."
Christopher Columbus	"Where the fuck are we?"
Michael Jackson	"It's a fucking skin condition" and more recently "I told you I didn't fucking fuck him!"
Pythagarus	"How the fuck did you work that one out?"
Walt Disney	"Fuck a duck."
Joan of Arc	"I don't suppose it will fucking rain."
George Bush	"Fcuk! I can't spell."
Miss Marples	"I haven't got a fucking clue."
Noah	"Scattered showers, my fucking arse."
Donald Trump	"You're fucking fired!"
Judge Judy	"Shut the fuck up!"
Paris Hilton	"Fuck me."
Ronald Regan to the Pope	"Yes it does fucking hurt."
Harold, Battle of Hastings 1066	"Watch him he'll have some fucker's eye out"
John F Kennedy	"Who needs that fucking bubble top?"
John F Kennedy	"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in the head."
John F Kennedy Jr.	"What's wrong with this fucking altimeter?"
Bill Clinton	"I should have fucked her."
Hurricane Katrina	"Mardi Fuckin Gras this motherfuckers."
Leonardo da Vinci	"Call that a fucking smile?"
Sir Walter Raleigh	"That's another good cloack fucked!"
William Tell	"Keep Fucking Still."

Some readers have pointed out that there are also some real famous fuck quotes from historical figures, such as General George Patton who among other things is noted to have said:

"I don't give a fuck for a man who's not always on his toes."

"The bilious bastards who write that kind of stuff for the Saturday Evening Post don't know any more about real fighting under fire than they know about fucking!"

"We're going to murder those lousy Hun cock suckers by the bushel-fucking-basket."

Australia's Kerry Packer (for a time Australia's richest man; died
late 2005) was also very fond of the word "fuck". Perhaps his best
remembered quote followed the first time he died in 1990, after
suffering a heart attack and being clinically dead for some eight
minutes before being revived. When asked if he saw a light at the end
of a tunnel he said: "Son, there's fucking nothing there."

Australia's former Prime Minister Malcolm Fraser is believed to have said "Life wasn't meant to be fucking easy".

Mark Latham, another Australian politician had this to say about Prime Minister John Howard's trip to the U.S.A.: "Howard is an arse-licker. He went over there, kissed some bums, and got patted on the fucking head."

Conclusion

The mind boggles at the many creative uses of the word. If by any chance you think I've missed any, please fucking let me know.

How can anyone be offended when you say "FUCK"?

Use it frequently in your daily speech, you will be proud and it will add to your fucking prestige and stature.

Why not say "FUCK YOU !" to someone today.