Friday, February 2, 2007

dear B, help!
Category: Life

Ok..since none of you janky bastards have felt the burning need to write in and help me become a world renowned advice columnist I will have to go around the web and steal other people's letters to show you how good I am with your problems. I swiped the first letter from a website fir devout Cristian teens.Ok..while I get this letter I will get myself into character so i will be convincing as a ..i guess I'm putting on a youth paster hat this time. ok..shoot.

Q. A few months ago, my girlfriend broke up with me. Since then, I'm seeing signs that she's not walking closely with God anymore. I feel like I should say something to her. But since I'm not her boyfriend anymore I don't know how she'd take these comments. What should I do?

Brother Dane-: You were right in coming to me Andrew. God guided you my way and you were just in letting him. I find that I am conflicted here my son. On the one hand you are no doubt a dirty nasty sinner who was never able keep his devil paw's off of that whore of an ex girlfriend of yours.The Great literary character known to most as Carrie's mom said it best when she said a womans dirty pillows are sent from the devil himself. and you must resist them like you hopefully resist the devils other trappings such as dancing, Jews and a so-called open mind Hmph! Well i consulted with Jesus on this and you are right that she is no longer walking with God. God told Jesus that he waits for her at the corner before school every morning and she ditches him every time so she can get a ride with a Catholic! It wont be long before she is getting drunk off of sacrament and molesting little boys in confessional booths. Thats the way these things work tim.She is lost to unholy may worshipers and is no doubt doing all she can to undermine out good Christian Values , my young friend Kevin. IN fact Jesus said shes already started getting her planned parenthood abortion card stamped ands gets he next one free

Um...that was ..interesting Brother Dane. I think I will get the next one since it comes from Seventeen Magazine so they are gonna want someone a bit closer to that age...a bit more hip.And I'm practically still a teen myself. .....ok..I'm 31, but a young 31. Just bring on the question

I'm involved with a married man. He's only two years older than I am, but he has a daughter and has been married since April of this year. He means the world to me and vice versa. How do I deal with the situation?
--Mary, 17, Detroit, MI

Well Mary, the good news is he hasn't been married that long so theres a very good chance that he will leave his wife eventually and then he will be all yours. You just need to remember not to nag him, never call his house and never ask him any direct questions about the marriage. After all thats really no none of your business as the mistress. I know our good friend Brother Dane thinks you should probably be set on first like in the olden timey days, but I have your back Mary.If in 10 years he is still with his wife you may need to start thinking about taking other actions but until then your young and ope fully beautiful. don.t wast it by not seeing someon just cuz he's married.

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