Thursday, July 12, 2007

- Is my boyfriend dating Don Imus?
Current mood: cynical

Controversy Will Robinson...Controversy!!

My boyfriend thinks that I am some kind of Archie Bunker racist, homophobic fascist bastard. He honestly believes it. Why would my gay part Native American partner think such things? Probably because of all the racist homophobic remarks I always make would be my guess.

Whoa Nelly! Before you start commenting on that last comment give me a chance to explain myself. OK? cool.

Where to start? First, I'm not some uneducated, white supremacist cross burner. Growing up I was a liberal hippy worshiping wanna be who couldn't get enough of the crazy KKK and skinheads regularly featured on Oprah, Donahue and Geraldo. I would get on my soap box and yell at those wacko's through my TV screen. When Geraldo got his nose broke by the chair wielding neo nazi I just about pissed myself I was so worked up. I hated racism and wanted to stamp it out of existance. In high school when the family made Christmas Cookies I made sure there was a African American Santa, a Latina Angel and a Jewish Canadian Reindeer which would cause my Mom to exclaim "James, Sometimes you just take things too far."

After graduation in order to prove my color blindness I pretty much started having sex with every black guy that came onto me. I even accepted a ride from a 6'5" black Jamaican who coaxed me into his car late at night as I walked home from work by pretending to have met me at "that party last week. Remember?" It didn't end as bad as you think it did..but I also don't hold the experience close to my heart as a wonderful sexual learning experience from my nubile teens. I digress...most of my post high school experiences in Austin Tx( where I discovered what real undisguised racism looked like) just strengthened my resolve to fight bigotry.
I'm also not lacking proper education. I got my BS in Sociology where Racism and the social institutions that perpetuate it were a main focus (when I wasn't taking classes about sex that is).
Fairness, human rights and equality are among the most important ideals as far as I'm concerned. Nothing gets me more passionately riled up than when something strikes me as unfair. I get so mad I could just spit. and kick. and spit some more.
So why does the person who is supposed to be closest to me think of me as a racist? Maybe it's because I've encouraged him to think that a little. Maybe it's because of my sense of humor which counts the comedic styling of Sarah Silverman as pure fucking comedic gold. She's funny. She's blunt. She's honest. She says some fucking un PC jokes for damn sure. But I'm no Sarah Silverman and maybe my version of her humor isn't as funny.

Maybe because of all the years I've worked customer service I really am a little bit prejuduced. Working with people makes you a tad cynical now and then. And sometimes you form opions about how certain "cultures" act. But I don't limit my observations to Lation's or Russians or Blacks. I think white people, and gay people and rich people and poor people basically work my last nerve sometime. It's a cliche but I am an equal opprutunity hater. The only group I could never be accused of talking mad shit about is women. well..stright women...I could tell you some shit about lesbians! (that was a joke)
That just made it sound like I hate people and I can't stand my customers. Thats not true. I enjoy 95% of the customers I'm serving. (maybe)Customer Service is just a great way to observe a wide cross section of the public. And I've realized we aren't all the same. Colorblindness is retarded. We are all the product of our subcultures in some ways.
Alas, this blog is becoming a freakin' Tolstoy novel. And it is unfocused, unstructured and rambling. And worst of all I think it may be making me sound kinda poor,white sheet wearing, southerner circa 1956 (and that was an awfully fucking mean way to lump all southerners together). But consider it a cliffhanger ending. I will leave you with some unanswered questions that may get answered next. Is he advocating racism? Who does he hate most? What makes him so bitter? Why do I care what a obsessive compulsive gay part native american who was raised by white christians have to say anyway. Why doesn't he just shut up?
OK..I am shutting one sec. this whole blog began because I was writing a cool survey that got into some stuff about stereotypes and I wanted to lay some ground work. So I blogged about the stereotypes that I fit and the ones I don't. But I had to write this one has become a damn monster. ( do I wrap this shit up?). But the real monster is the result of racism being driven underground where it festers in silence for fear of sounding...well a little racist.

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