Saturday, July 14, 2007

Dear Diary..on America's birthday I became a Man

think I may have joined the ranks of semi responsible adult on the 4th,
at least on the family scorecard. The reason for such a drastic image
change is due to the Holiday miracle that was my Independence Day
Bar-B-Q. Yes faithful reader, I was trusted to host a family event and
not only did it not end with me blacked out in jail for arson or with
me going to another party having forgotten about my own but it was a

I should probably give credit to my partner in crime, Cain, without
whom it would have not been nearly as awesome. We threw the party
together the night before, having originally planned to just go to the
blues festival. It was all last minute, but thats the way I roll. heh.

This was also the first time any of my family or friends from back
home had been to our house, and if it went differently it might have
been the last.

You may not get what a big deal it is, but even thought I'm the
oldest cousin, the idea of letting me be responsible for the entire
holiday is usually not very realistic. My cousin Christina is the
obvious choice and the face that she is an incredible cook doesn't
hurt. But she welcomed the chance to not have to spend all her money
and clean the house before and after the guests arrived.

Cain gets an A+ in party throwing. We had candy necklaces and glow
bracelets for my nieces (best friends girls...but close enough), red,
white and blue little mini fans, and so many flags I worried the
neighbors might think I was a Republican. I even bought a slip and
slide like water thing...a water hop scotch sprinkler to be exact. So
what if I broke it almost immediately. So I'm a little over the
recommended age range.

The real test would be the potato salad. My cousin makes what could
modestly be called a fan favorite. I think the promise of Christina's
potato salad was the extra incentive that lured Sarah over here instead
of on board a yacht watching fireworks on the river. I don't presume to
claim it was as good as hers, but it was close. And Christina was
impressed that I made her a special batch without pickles, something
nobody had done before.

That potato salad was actually the source of at least 4 fights Cain
and I had over the course of two days. The salad represented a lot more
than just a summer side dish in my mind and any suggestions or anything
short of applause didn't really go over to well with me. Yeah..I was a
sensitive bitch. But I admit my lunacy most of the time.

I also got kinda buzzed, much more than I have in a long time.
Surprisingly it was the closest to drunk Cain has ever seen me, which
is shocking considering just a couple years ago I was drunk every
night. And was quickly reminded why I drink less the next day when it
was brought to my attention that apparently I can be kind of a dick.

I had no idea he was mad, but looking back it makes some kind of
sense. I was sharing stories and details about some personal things
with my friends that embarrassed him. But they got big laughs! I'm a
sucker for a good audience and its hard to stop when I'm on a roll.
Just anther aspect to my personality thats kind of whorish.

I found out he was upset the next night, and by that time he had
promoted the incident to the post of officially a big deal. This is how
we differ. When I'm mad or upset you hear about it almost immediately.
Or you get the deafening silent treatment. Either way I react in the
moment. Cain lets it stew, while he decides what he thinks and how he
feels about the particular offense. And while he decides he wants to be
alone. As in he wants me to give him some space. As in he is ok with
going to bed mad, while i work up a good amount of anxiety in my room.
I hate going to bed mad as much as I hate it when he goes all silent
and cold.

Instead of going into anxiety attack mode I did what always makes
me feel more in control.....I went into some serious craft time. I
made a card that acknowledged that I was a dick and had taken him for
granted. Inside the card I put my secret weapons. Homemade coupons.
valuable ones.

1. I Owe You one blow job to be redeemed anytime and place of your choice.

2. I Owe You one Top to Bottom Room cleaning. Room of your choice.

a Give Me a Break card. Anytime I am bitching, whining, freaking out or
obsessing on something or just being annoying he can hand me the card
and I will promise to stop and at least fake a pleasant mood.

4. 1 Get Out Of Jail Free Card. This
is a big one. He can bail himself out of any big trouble he's gotten
into with me with this card. He could have used it when he was off
slumming around on my birthday while I sat at home plotting his

I also wrote a card that promised that the subjects that I was blabbing
about to my friends that are sensitive to him would no longer be topics
I would discuss with others.

The cards worked. He was happy and I got out of having to actually
discuss the way I acted that caused the trouble in the first place.
Gee...sorry about how long and boring this blog was. This will just be
one of those rare times I use the blog like a journal. Next time I'll
warn you with some Dear Diary heads up in the subject. Now I owe you
some of those damn cards...fine. I Owe You one Blow job.....

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