Monday, January 29, 2007

Here is your up to the minute star planning for the start of the week....

oh, I see much for you Aries. Yeah. Tomorrow morning you will have cream of wheat and toast for a solitary breakfast.Then you'll go to work. Then come back home later in the day. you will have a Lean Cuisine for dinner, but watch out for the Salisbury steak...I wouldn't go with that one. Did I mention that dinner would be alone. Maybe with your cat hanging wait scratch that .Threre's not gonna be any cat ever again. Sorry to tell you like this..I probably should do a practice run through of these things before i just make your future public.But I really don't have time for that anyway.....the next day is kinda the same except you start it without the cat, plus you jazz it up with malt-o-meal instead of cream of wheat.....

OK...this ones kind of for a more select group of you Taurans, but its good advice just the same. You never know. If your one of those bulls who are ..lets say urine aficionado's be selective about whose pee you drink this week because random drug test are coming up at work soon. And there are few things more embarrassing than having to explain to your boss that you tested dirty for crack 'cuz you have this fetish for drinking pee and the guy you let piss in your mouth was a junkie monkey.

I don't care what anyone says, I find you very pleasant and oh so easy to get along with. Some people are just intimidated by your presence and of course their jealous.

When you get a little irritated after being asked for spare change this week, stop and think about what could have happened differently in your life that would have put you on the street asking strangers for money. Really think. And when you come up with the reason you aren't out there spare-changing, change it! Those people earn more that your measly working for the man money.


Ok, Leo, you like to be center of careful what you wish for. As your walking down the aisle this week your late spouse arrives just as you say your I do's. Apparently your back from the dead ex has been kept prisoner underneath Paris....or was it something about amnesia. This is the General Hospital preview, right? sorry Leo. But I'm pretty clear somebody come back from the dead this week


You have a request for me. Your going to ask me to....NO! I will not make be in a porn with you especially since you met the "producers" at the bathhouse when they were high and probably trying to talk you into letting them fuck you. Besides, those kinds of pornos always have the worst lighting and I'll be d amened if you end up better lit than me just because you put out for the guys making it


After months and months of your swift descent into psychological, you will wake up in a strange bed with a dead cop right next to you. Well when you step out you really mean it.Your on your own with the whole body disposal thing


You will be ambushed by the Jenny Jones show on Tuesday with a whole bus load of former classmates that you teased, tormented, and basically scared for life during high school.Once they are done with all their accusations and gallons of tears you will have a choice. Offer to take the least damaged out for drinks...or FINISH THEM. The weird thing is that Jenny Jones got canceled like years ago.


Don't ask any questions, just do as the stars say.Take all the money you have in savings and checking, don/t forget the kids college fund, and put it all on Red 28 at your local indian casino. They didn/t exactly say if you would win or not, but it will be fun to watch. Especially since it's a known fact that a Sagitaruian will only read a few sentences at best, and most

In an attpmpt to boost sagging ratings ,the producers of your life unveil a new story early this week which finds you possessed by the Devil. Cheers!


At first it seemed like a good idea to let a small camp of homeless people live in your backyard. It made your heart feel good to throw them the stuff on your plate you didn't want and the leftovers in the fridge that was starting to turn. But now its like they're begging. And talk about the uppity attitude.I Never!


Your hormones are all over the place Pisces, and when you have too much crazy floating in your bloodstream isn't not a good idea to go get your hair cut and styled in a misguided attempt to bring the Farrah -do back.

One ,Two, The Zodiac Killers coming for you.

Three, Four, gonna get the whores.

Five, Six grab your crucifix.

Seven, Eight, He wants you to Rate (his my space pics that is)

Nine, Ten, He's coming again.

Oh NO! In another effort to boost ratings the writers of your life are using that good old standby....a serial killer. No body's Safe and anybody could be a suspect, that/s how these things work people. Haven't you ever watched a soap opera? And if your just a boring supporting character who hasn/t done anything interesting in a na na na na na na hey hey hey goodbye. The fun starts...I don't know, later this week. Whenever I get around to it.

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