Whoo Hoo! Cain just got me tickets to see the girl I'm gonna go stright for, my favorite obsession, the superbly offensive Ms. Sarah Silverman. The show is feb. 11th in Seatlle. I'm very happy. If you havent watched any of the many video's I have playing around here I will share a few quotes with you.
"A couple nights ago, I was licking jelly off my boyfriend's penis . . . and I thought, Oh, my God--I'm turning into my mother!"
"The writers of Sanford and Son were so brave in bringing their program to television. I mean, working with all those black people!"
"I don't have a problem with gay men. I just don't want to date them"
"So I live in this apartment that's disgusting--it's really dirty. And the kitchen floor is, like, sticky. And I had to do something about it. So finally I went out and bought some, uh, slippers."
"I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in and he says [in a clenched, abrupt voice], 'I want pussy!' Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but [rolling her eyes, both embarrassed and proud] he was talking about me. It offended me, obviously, but more than offending me, it made me feel sorry for him. It made me sad. Because it was so obvious to me that this was a person who grew up and who was a child whose mother and father never gave him any pussy."
"I'm going out with a guy who's half-black, who's totally going to break my heart......Oh my God. I can't believe I said that. I'm so negative. He's half-white."
Relations between black and white would be greatly improved if we were more accepting of our fears and our feelings and more vocal about it.
When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS
The best time to have a baby is when you're a black teenager.
[talking about her niece] She called me up and she's like, "Aunt Sarah, did you know that Hitler killed sixty million Jews." And I corrected her and I said, "You know, I think he's responsible for killing six million Jews." And she said, "Oh yeah! Six million! I knew that but seriously, I mean, what's the difference?" "Uh, the difference is sixty million is unforgivable, young lady!"
Who cares? Different religions. I guess the only time it's an issue I suppose would be if you're having a baby, you have to figure out how you want to raise your baby or whatever, which still would not be an issue for us. Because you know, we'd just be honest, and say "Mommy is one of the chosen people, and Daddy believes that Jesus is magic."
Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks
"It shows the truth - that the real meaning of a word is only as powerful or harmless as the emotion behind it."
"You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time."
Here is an awesome clip from "Jesus is Magic"
Add to My Profile | More Videos