Saturday, January 27, 2007

The Stars have something to say, YO



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I wont give you the usual line about how passionate and innovative or what a good lover you are...head is freakishly big as it is. But you do need a partner who will tell you those things.But you hate a pushover. So you want someone who will worship you, yet they have a will of their own and wont cower at your feet. What you need is a good stalker.Start undressing with the blinds open Aries and I know you'll find that special someone.




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You're possessive , critical and stubborn , but you bulls do know how to enjoy the good things in life. You appreciate good food, good drinks (once your jug gallon of Peach Mad Dog days are behind you) and good sex. Treat yourself to some luxuries this year Taurus...just don't over do it or you'll be the fat, drunk whore we love to talk about. Not that there's anything wrong with being a whore.



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It's so hard to criticize you Gemini. It almost feels like I'm attacking myself. I do see a lot of time in front of the computer blog blog blogging now that this is your new obsession. Maybe if you try a little thing called moderation you might actually finish something instead of burning out hard. But your hair looks really cute like that.



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Cheech and Chong don't have nothin' on you Cancer. But when it is revealed that after smoking a marijuana cigarette you actually choose to sit through a "Walker, Texas Ranger" marathon, followed by a couple hours of the home shopping network while snacking on mayonnaise sandwiches dipped in red kool-aid will you finally admit you have a problem??


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If I've learned anything from the movies I can apply to my real life it is this…write it down. It may change your life. Ok. Grease is the word. It's the word that you heard. It's got a mood. It's got a meaning. Grease is the time. It's the place. Grease is the motion my friend…Grease is the word.



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You have an upcoming vacation Leo. I think things should go fine, but I'm getting a funny feeling that you should avoid places like Iraq, North Korea or Florida. Out of those 3, I especially warn you to avoid Florida. Between election stealing, hurricanes, and George Bush's brother it's not safe there.



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Whoa, when your scales go off balance Libra, you really go for it. Try to memorize your name, the year, and the current president cuz your gonna need at least two out of 3 right to pass the crazy test the guys in white coats give you.



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Hey, you wanna go grab a bite to eat this Friday Scorpio. Then after we can drop by the late night sex addicts meeting and see who can tell the most fucked up sex story confessional and then pick up on some sex addicts in the bathroom. Extra points for incorporating these items in your confessional….a toothbrush, some Lil' Smokies and a bag full of kittens.

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Take a nap Sag, your spun.



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When you discover nobody likes you this week, and in fact everyone hates you, you will have no choice but to go out in the garden and eat worms.





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I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your partner is totally cheating on you. Honest. You need to go tell that fucker to go to hell then go right out and have yourself a revenge fuck.



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Heh..Pisces did you read what I just wrote to Aquarius? OK..Watch this it's gonna get good. After a big ol' Jerry Springer like brawl there's gonna be some vulnerable Aquarius' out there looking to get laid. Score

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