Your bonus horoscope for the weekend/Movie Trivia.
Your weekend starts with no potential as you are forced to spend the whole day Saturday in detention. It gets off to a rocky start when you and the 4 losers you are detained with immediately start fighting each other, but when you start to butt heads with the prick of a teacher supervising you the 5 of you start to get to know each other. All the pot you kids smoke helps with the bonding feeling.By the end of the day you wind up dating one of the students you seem to be most different than...unless your the geek. If your the geek you get nobody. You also leave behind a profound essay that will be the rally cry of a generation..."Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...
and an athlete...
and a basket case...
and a criminal...
Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, _____________" What movie does your weekend seem to be plagiarizing?
It really sucks to be you this weekend when your crack head/ho mom and her grabby boyfriend get arrested leaving you all alone. Rather than go to another foster home you handcuff your social worker to your bed and hit the road on a quest to find your grandmother who doesn't even know you exist. Your bad luck continues when you get picked up by a seemingly friendly man (who looks a lot like Jack Bauer from 24) who gains your trust then turns on you. He is really a serial killer who thinks of you as a garbage person. You barely make it out alive by shooting his face all to hell...but the stories not over yet when your arrested by police who don't believe a word of your story. Look for the guys bitchy wife to look just like Brooke Shields. Do you know what movie your weekend is copying?
You will wish you had stayed home this weekend when you and your spouse/partner/whatever you call yourselves go over to a professor and his wife's house for drinks. It starts out fucked up and just gets worse because this couple are a bunch of dramatic, mean, talky alcoholics who try to hurt each other and you and your partner any chance they get. Things get even weirder when they begin to reveal the secret of a child they may or may not have ever had as the four of you get drunker and drunker until the whole world seems to be filmed in black and white. Do you know what movie and play your life resembles?
On your way to visit an old teacher to tell him of your engagement you and your recent fiance get a flat tire during a storm, leaving you stranded out in the middle of nowhere.You wont believe your eyes when your sheltered existence comes to a crashing end with the group of whacked out, crazy, lust driven perverts who inhabit the dark castle you attempt to find refuge in. On the plus side you learn a few new songs and dances and begin your sexual awakening...with a bang! What long running cult classic did you step into?
You have one wild weeknd when you attempt to score some rent money to keep from getting evicted by scoring some Ecstasy and selling it at a big rave. You will find yourself in the middle of a real life drug sting involving a coupul of gay soap stars that will find a real dick of a drug dealer looking to put a cap in your ass. Your crazy night will intersect with the crazy stories of friends and strangers alike on a fast paced night you won't soon forget. What could they call the movie of your life ..at least this weekend? OH...they already made it...whats it called?
I've warned you before about this Virgo, but you seem obsessed with getting on that mother fucking plane with those mother fucking....Well I can't tell you exactly whats on that plane...but there are a lot of them and they are pissed off. The things get put on the plane to kill one eyewitness, but they go after all of you and the chances of getting off of this plane alive get worse and worse as every thing that could go wrong does. You'll be glad Samuel L. Jackson just happens to be on the same flight....what movie could you be living?
You weekend doesn't go at all as planned when you wind up getting your RV taken over by two crazy and violent bank robbing brothers as they try to escape into Mexico. Things go from bad to worse when the strip club you stop at ends up being a haven of the undead. You and some others will fight for your lives against vampire strippers and truckers. But hey, at least you got to drink Champagne out of Salma Hayek's shoe as it runs down her leg. What movie could I be talking about?
you will wish you had stayed home this weekend instead of going camping with a bunch of your sex crazed, pot smoking young friends. You stay at a friends family home near a camp with a bad history that used to be known as Camp Blood.Soon your friends starting dropping like flies when a crazy demonic killer who hates sex, drugs or anything immoral (except, you know, killing teenagers) starts chopping them up. The killer is even scarier than usual because he takes the hockey mask of one of your friends, I think his name is Shelly, and wears this for the first time. I hope your a girl, cuz if your a guy your chances of survival just got even smaller. What movie could your weekend resemble?
Your weekend starts out crazy this morning when, after an argument with your mom, the two of you seem to somehow switch bodies! Now you will learn that the other doesn't have it as easy as you thought they did as you try to live each others crazy day for them without fucking things up too bad. Whether you end up in a water skiing extravaganza, or merely rocking out with your girl group depends on if you more closely resemble Jodi Foster or Lindsey Lohan. Which version of what movie does your life parody?
things get wacky when you find yourself in possession of a magic remote control that you can use on the things in real life. you can fast forward, pause and make everybody speak in Spanish. I never saw the movie that your life resembles so I couldn't tell you much more about it.
This weekend you will start a crazy plan to eat nothing but the food you can find at McDonald's all month long! It will be worse for your health and your state of mind than you can imagine...plus your not gonna seem that original because this stunt was already made into a prominent documentary years ago. what was it called?
Your life as a hooker might finally be over when you meet a rich yet distant business man who hires you for the week. Remember to truly enjoy yourself when the bitches from a Rodeo Drive shop that were very mean to you get a taste of what they deserve when your rich john teaches them a lesson..and then takes you on a shopping spree of a lifetime. Who knows there may be love here yet. What movie did the writers of your life shamelessly copy?