BJ- Hey everybody, how are things out there in online land? We just got back from a short vacation, which I needed. You can only hear the same stupid questions over and over again before you just wanna scream"Quit having sex already!" I mean if you dont know the basics by now then get a new hobby. Right Bro Dean?
Brother Dean- Well I certainly don't recommend you waste your time on a hobby, unless of course that hobby is scanning bible passages for new rules or breaking out in painful bloody stigmata on your hands and feet.. Its obvious the world should be ending any day now, so any time wasted with a hobby would be well..wasted.
BJ- We are going to do something a little special today people. Instead of answering your inane questions over and over again. we are going to answer the 10 most asked questions so far this year. Capiche? Lets go at em...
1. How do I find my PC Muscle?
Brother Dean- You don't. There is no need to discover anything on your body save for the holly spirit. If you don't have it..dont go looking for it. spend your time praying. If its hiding from you then its undoubtedly up to evil. Corienthians chapter 6 verse 19 says "
" Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy
Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You
are not your own" And God doesn't want you poking around
looking for your ..whatever it was you were looking for .
BJ- You don't find it by talking all foul and oppressive about
your fellow Americans using derogatory words and such. If
theres some blacks on the plane you deal with it. If theres
Mexicans just let them be. I don't know if its still even PC
to be PC so i don;t know if you want to find that muscle anyway
. I know i hate working out..and if I habe to watch that
everything I saw is politically correct..forget about it.
2.Can you alter the taste of your vagina?
Brother Dean- !! How can you even ask a question like that without bringing your whole family shame. I would just die if I were ..that way. Not even married couples in the missionary position are allowed to taste of each others vagina. I suggest you pour some sulfer and ash on that puppy cuz your gonna be head in' for hell'!
BJ-I;ll have to agree with brother dean here peoples . As a card carying gay I dont feel right about even thinking about the taste of vagina. Not right at all!!
3/Whats your favorite commercially produced sex toy and why?
Brother Dean-I dont't condone any sex toy for any reason, you----
BJ=answer the question Claire. Which is the best?
Brother- I guess I would say a Hypermember 1000 is more my speed., plus it
has those cute little rabbit ears and stuff... ..
5.Does penis size matter?
Brother Dean- It matters if your looking for the devil or one of his lessor demons. I hear they have very large ones.
Is oral sex risky?
Brother Dean- I don't know. That depends. Would you say gambling with your eternal soul, and forcing it to get taken off the guest list in heaven is risky? Do you think its risky to knock knock knock on the devils door and then run away laughing hoping he doesn't just grab you by the balls and throw you in a chair and chop your hair down to nothing? If you think thats risky then i guess so.
BJ- If blow jobs were chicken meals than I would be colonial sanders I've given so many. And I havent caught anything awful yet. Of course I don't get std tested cuz if I did I truely wouldn't want to know anyway...it would ruin all the blow jobs i like to give
5. What is average penis size?
Brother Dean=Rulers are a tool of Lucifer to make those of us that arent't demon big feel small and stubby.
BJ- I don't know what your so uptight for brother...your not all that small like your afraid you are..huh? whats that? you don't want the viewers to know I've seen your man part up close and personal? ok they wont.
6,Why does sex hurt?
Brother Dean- The pain you feel is merely Jesus and his little cherub friendsbegging you to stop having sex. Everytime you have an orgasm an angel gets a staph infection. And those hurt. And they spread. So dont be having sex.
7. Can men have multiple orgasms?
Brother dean- Multiple orgasms are a lie of the devil to make women feel better about not having as hard, sweaty, well defined body as a man.
BJ- I think your cathching a bit of gay brother dean.
8. Where is my g spot?
Brother D- God Question. Your god spot is located just inside your anus between your genitals and your butt hole.
9. What are toxic sex toys?
BJ- I guess the toys that you find out behind the nasty shop on dumpster driving day could be considered toxic on account of the toxic dump spill outside the yard that gets closer to the house every week.I guess when you steal sex toys from the towns oldest woman then you dont wanna ruin it by calling the doctor on you way out. ...
10- Is watching porn ok?
BJ- If you don't watch it theres something very wrong about you. Everyone I know has been in at least a dozen porns.
Brother Dean- Romans 22:15 states "Thou shall not watch the porno from the nasty shop that which is a den of sin. He who is without sin shall cruise the arcade, yet thou shall not suffer a glorified hooker to live. . "It then goes on to warn agaisnt violating copywrite laws...but you get the point. Hell is full of sexually experienced porn stars with fancy tasting vagina's and big dicks watching thieir gigantic porn collections. Does that sound like a plafe you want to end up....or woould you rather strive to spend eternity in Heaven with humorless god fearing folks with me? Say no to everything. have a pious week