The stars are back with a vengence...your horroscope for June 8th

The stars are back with a vengence...your horroscope for June 8th

Aries-
Jupiter and Mars align making this the perfect day to either get your wisdom teeth pulled, start collecting Don Ho records or barely survive a shark attack. But not all 3 at once. Pick one. Don't be greedy.

Taurus- The stars think that outfit makes you look fat.

Gemini-
This message is from that sea monkey colony you started recently. They appreciate that you brought them to life, but could do without the massive earthquakes a few times a day. They would really like you to decide if your a just and loving god or a vengeful god. Unlike the humans, they say they wont put up with you trying to be both.

Cancer-
Everything points to you making a huge life altering change today Cancer! Isn't it exciting? Just look for a big decision and make it! Convert to Mormonism. Quit drinking and join a 12 step program. Quit a 12 step program and join a drinking contest! Go out and get pregnant! The options are limitless and the rest of us will have so much to gossip about once you finally go for it.

Leo-
It's the perfect day to start smoking Leo. Isn't it about time you stop fighting it and just give in? All the cool kids are doing it. Your a cool kid, aren't you? -----This horoscope brought to you by your friends at Phillip Morris.

Virgo-
You have been thinking about letting go and acting a bit naughty lately, haven't you Virgo? I say go for it! Let that special someone take those naughty pictures of you that they have been dying to take. I guarantee they will be very tasteful and oh so flattering. Don't even think about it...just throw your legs in the air and let the camera do its magic.

Libra-
The stars didn't mention you this week Libra. Did you do something to make them mad? You must have. Every time you say anything the stars make a big deal about not hearing you, saying "Does anybody hear that? The wind is really making some noise". You know that game. Uh-oh. now the stars are dividing the room in half with a piece of tape, and don't think your getting the half with the bathroom.

Scorpio-
OK, perv, I think I convinced Virgo to let you take those nasty pictures you want to take. I better get a few copies.

Sagittarius-
You deserve some rest Sag. When you get home this evening crack open a nice bottle of Bud, dig into a new Wendy's chicken club and watch the return of NBC's summer reality show "The Biggest Loser." Man, thats living. ----this horoscope brought to you by Budweiser, Wendy's and NBC Must see TV.

Capricorn-
Don't be surprised if a romance turns into a super scary stalker this weekend. You'll think twice about dressing like a tramp next time. The slutty look always gets the attention of the crazies, but then they always end up using it against you.

Aquarius-
You better watch what you say about me water boy. You don't want to mess with me. No way. The stars got my back, cuz we're tight. You hardly ever read anything bad about Gemini, do you? So you can step back and maybe find the love of your life this week. Or you can keep messing with me and end up on the run from some renegade Scientologists wanting to make you the next Mrs. Tom Cruise. It's your choice.

Pisces-
The stars want you to go out and have fun this week. Don't worry about responsibilities or deadlines. Just go crazy. I have some naked pictures of Virgo and I think Cancer is off the wagon again. Lets party!