ABC's of Janky Sex H-J

ABC's of Janky Sex H-J (SBT)

I know this is late late late for Sex Blog Thursday...and that it's technically Friday now..but what the fuck.Continuing my ABC's of Janky sex....the next bit of impropriety is brought to you by the letter H..

H is for Hippy Sex- When I first moved to Portland I rented a room in a big house that was mostly occupied by other gay men. Throughout the 5 years I lived there some straight and bi guys also rented rooms as well as one granola lesbian. This story concerns one straight hippy boy who lived in the room next to mine for about 6 months. Lets call him T.J. He was a very cute, open minded 18yo from New Jersey, whose general enthusiasm was contagious...even if his love for Phish was not. He was a short skinny blond with beautiful blond hair and a cute Jersey accent. He really was a sweet kid. One night we were in my room playing Soul Caliber on my soon to be obsolete DreamCast when he turned to me and asked if I could do him a favor. I thought he was going to ask to use my computer, so it really threw me for a loop when the words that came out of his mouth were "Will you fuck me?" Whaa huh what?

I asked him to clarify, just in case I heard wrong but he asked again. Afraid of taking advantage due to his extreme stoned state I questioned him responsiblly. Was he sure thats what he wanted? Maybe he wanted to start out slower, like getting a blow job. Had he done anything like that before? Apparantly he knew what he wanted. He was curious about what it felt like to be fucked. He wasn't interested in kissing (the curious guys never are). He had practiced with a wine bottle (I immediately informed him of the inherent dangers with that) and wanted to try the real thing.

Did I mention just how freaking cute he was? He didn't have to convince me to much and we soon got naked. He wasn't into kissing, but boy could he give a nice blowjob for a beginner..and I believe it was his first time. The actual fucking proved a bit more difficult. He was impossibly tight, as many virgins tend to be especially at his size. He was about 5'7" and maybe 120 lbs. I only managed to get about halfway in before we stopped. The 69 was fun though. We tried one other time in the shower when we were all soaped up, and that worked a little better although he was never fully relaxed enough to enjoy it completly.

The best part of it was the was he reacted to the experience. There was no guilty weirdness or avoiding me in the hall. He acted like he always did afterwards with much less self consciousness that you would expect in someone after a experimental sexual experience. That was especially impressive considering his age and the social stigmatizing nature of the whole thing. I wouldn't have minded a few more oral sex situations though.

I is for Intersexual- Here is a fact you may or may not know. For every birth that turns out "normal" boys and girls a small percentage of baby's are born in a category known as Intersexuals. In very simple terms this usually means that the xx chromosome girl has an abnormally large clitoris and the xy chromosome boy has a very tiny penis. When this happens in the United States the standard procedure is to make the girl with the big clit into a boy and the boy with the tiny penis into a girl. This can create all kinds of messes later in life when, for example, the child who looks like a boy feels more like a girl. There are groups on both sides of the debate who make very good arguments, but thats not what I'm writing about. That was just the background for my little story.

When I was about 25 I met this really cute Mexican boy downtown and we ended up back at my studio on campus. He was very charming, good looking and quite intelligent. I was getting really turned on when he tried to teach me some kinky Spanish phrases. He was the picture of confidence until the cloths started coming off. Once he was naked it was impossiblle to get him to stop covering his genitals with his hands. The guy standing naked in my room was an intersexual.

It turns out that he came from a wealthy family from Mexico City, and as is the case for many non-US countries they have different procedures when a baby is born as an intersexual. In this case the let him remain his natural sex without any kind of enhancement to the sexual bits. This was a muscular, handsome, young Latino man with a penis that was probably an inch long, at the most. I was pretty buzzed, and also still turned on by him anyway and could have rolled with the punches. It wasn't his small dick that killed the mood...it was his shame because of it. For most of the time we were fooling around his hand stayed in a deadlock around that area, afraid of me getting too good of a look at it. I'm not coming out on either side of the intersexual debate, but I thought that the emotional scars on this great guy were tragic.

More infor about intersexuals is available on the following websites....being intersexual and the NOVA website for starters.

J is for Jiffy Peanut Butter- What is Jiffy doing on my sex list? It is one of the many items I tried to use as a masturbation aid when I was new to the sport of jerking off that I strongly caution others not to use. In the 6th grade I was trying all kinds of household items in many ways that they were never intended to be used. Before I knew about lube, I tried to substitute a good many other things. My friend Mike had told me about shaving cream (he said it felt just like pussy. I wasn't that much interested in pussy, and I don't think he even knew what pussy felt like, but shaving cream worked ok.) Of course I had my share of jacking to baby oil (still love me some baby oil wrestling) vasoline, cocoa butter, etc. Crisco works in a pinch. Once when I was 18 me and Christian even resorted to peppermint flavored fake blood that I had from some drama experience. I have heard some horror stories involving Icey Hot, but since I never went that route peanut butter is probably the lamest thing I've ever used in place of lube. In case your wondering...it doesn't work. Especially the chunky kind

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for past entries click on the link for A-D and E-G

ABC's of Janky Sex E-G

2:22 PM - ABC's of Jankey Sex part 2: E-G. (SBT)
Current mood: irritated

Here are a few more letters from the ABC's of Jankey Sex.

E is for electricity. I don't know how anybody could get off on electric stimulation. I hate electricity. It scares the hell out of me. I get shocked by static electricity every time i use a key or open a dryer. If you trick me with those stupid electric shock gag toys I will seriously knock you down and bite off part of your ear. They used to have this electricity sex toy demo set up at Fantasy Video where you put your fingers on this sponge to get them wet and then something would send electric jolts through you. I was with someone who thought it would be funny to act like it was turned down low, but when I tried it they turned it up as high as it would go. God damn! That was not erotic. It is one of the fetish activities on my NEVER EVER list. And there are very few things on that list. All you people who get off on electric stimulation...What the fuck? You sick sorry bastards.


F is for the Fire Down Below: I went on a date with this really hot guy when I was about 23 that I will never forget. He had a diminished sense of taste, or something to that effect. For dinner he ate an extremely hot pepper with his salad in order to be able to taste it at all. This was like a crazy hot liquid fire pepper.
Cut to an hour later and we are in his bed (on his houseboat) and we are getting hot and heavy. Soon his mouth ventures around south to my ass. Suddenly I feel this intense heat flame up down there and I have no idea what just happened. I jump up and run to the bathroom thinking that I don't know what's going on, but I don't want him rimming me while a volcanic eruption is destined to occur. My butt is still smoldering when I realize it was those hot peppers on his tongue that started this fire! Meanwhile he is turning into an impatient dick trying to coax me back to bed, and doesn't let up when I tell him whats going down. The mood was lost.The incinerator down below kept burning long after my lust for him had died down.

G is for Grandpa's house: Did I ever learn my lesson from the Disneyland Porn Fiasco? After hearing this next story you won't think so. When I was 20, I was living in the upstairs part of my Grandpa's house. One morning after coming home from my graveyard shift at the nursing home I had the house to myself. My Grandpa was a logger and was usually gone until at least one in the afternoon. I had recently purchased a butt load of porn tapes and magazines and was anxious to look them over. After an early "4:20" I sat back in my Grandpa's recliner and put in a tape. It was hot...the magazines full of naked men layed out on my lap were hot...it was all hot. This was one of my first viewings of gay porn and that was pretty exciting. I was also very tired and before you could say"Hot Nasty Gay Porn" I was asleep. When I opened my eyes again I was still in my Grandpa's chair and the porno mags were still in my lap. The tape had stopped, but I don't know when. The bong was still at my side, but sitting one little end table to my right so was my Grandpa! Oh Fuck! I didn't know how long he had been there, or if the tape had still been playing when he showed up. He had bad eye sight, but was it so bad he couldn't see the naked hardcore gay sex staring up at him from the magazine in my lap? I didn't know what to do. I jumped up, grabbed the bong and the magazines, ejected the tape from the VCR and ran upstairs. I think I avoided him for a few weeks as well. He never mentioned the incident to me, but I find it hard to believe I got off so lucky that he was deaf, dumb and blind through the whole incident.

ABC's of Janky Sex A-D

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