SEX LISTS on channel 214

Channel 214

SEX BOX STEPPIN' OUT with BJ (the slutty half of the BJ and Brother Dean sex advice show).

Are you tired of being so damned Vanilla? Do you want to spice up your sex life but don't know where to start? Fret no more because I am here to help. In a few short non threatening lessons we can explore the wide range of sexual pleasures.Just think baby steps. OK...I'll assume you have no more experience than one on one missionary sex in a committed relationship. Wow...really? thats all you've done? How old are you? I had more variety under my belt before middle school. OK.Well..i guess the obvious next step would be something simple and non threatening like putting yourself up as a sex slave online or in a gay bathhouse. Just put an ad offering your body up for anything and everything a rough sadistic master might require of you. What makes this sexual adventure so great for beginners is the control and responsibility are taken out of your nubile hands and given to an experienced daddy who will know just what to do to you. Or with you as the case may be. You just have to take it. Don't worry about proper slave behavior. You can do whatever feels right. Too be honest it really doesn't matter what you start out doing, your master will make sure you start behaving as he wants you too before long. And hey, if you feel like screaming or protesting it can all become part of the fun. And the best part is during this one little step outside your box theres the possiblilty of tasting a big variety of sexual possibilities.Depending on your masters taste you could come out of this with some knowledge on oral sex, leather or extreme body modification. You might even be able to teach me a thing or too. Thats your homework for this week. Get started on your ads. Remember words like total submissive, no limits and human punching bag make great describing words. Until next time...Step outside the Sexual Box, why dontcha?
part 2
10 Male Masturbation Synonyms
that start with the letter C

1.Cheating on your other hand
2.Choking Kojak
3.Crank yanking
4.Committing mass spermicide
5.Calling all cum
6.Caping the crusader
7.Choking yourself into emission
8.Closet Frisbee
9.Clubbing the baby seal
10.Custer's Last Stand
Check out other masturbation terms starting with C, plus the 23 other letters at World Wide Wank

part 3
A few fetishes a bit less common than your average foot fetish or "Turn on's you can develop to make finding compatible sex partners that much more difficult"

1.A crush fetish...involves getting off on watching others crush small bugs or other objects/creatures with their feet or shoes, usually. Ohh baby step on that ant. God damn you crushed the shit out of that roach. Crush it harder.

2.If you have a faunoiphillia you get all worked up watching animals mate. Forget the Spice Channel when you have the porno jackpot over on the Discovery Channel.


3. Pyrophillia describes the sexual arousal from setting,talking about, watching or fantasizing about fires. Thats hot.


4. Unlike those creepy bestiality jerks a person who is a zoophille also has an emotional attraction to animals. It's not just about the sex. They love each other.For real people, don't be haters.


5.Heres a really unusual sounding one. Pictophillia is the sexual arousal to pictorial pornography or erotic art. Um...yeah those sick bastards get off on naked pictures. Thats the most fucked up of all. Very Rare. Uh Hu.Thats a problematic fetish? You don't want anyone to find out you get off on looking at normal porn.Better just say your a zoophille.

Find out more about your favorite fetish or paraphillia at Wikipedia.

Thank you for joining us for our sexblock blog. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

post post post oscar coverage

Channel 214 Oscar show...very late oscar show
Current mood: cold

Channel 214


Live Oscar Coverage


Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen…well this is kind of embarrassing. We had originally intended to report to you live on the 70th annual Academy Awards. And of course we promoted this all month long with the hopes that this would be just the event to drag Channel 214's ratings out of second to last place right behind those bastards over at the Mime Channel. Bastard fucking mimes. Don't get me started on those jankie no good think they are too cool for school mimes! I'm sorry but it just rattles my feathers when I have to pass them coming into the studio and they do that damn trapped in a box thing! I fell for it once and I actually tried to help that damn insufferable little bitch out of the box. I couldn't see it, but he really made me believe he was trapped in a box and losing air. I tried to help, even though I was fearful for my own safety. I didn't know if there was some magical sci fi force field that could suck me right into that box with him, yet I put my own safety aside and grabbed a brick and tried to bust him out. Well never trust a mime. He wasn't in any box at all. And then after all I did for that mother f@#king little panty waste his family tries to sue me for him being in a coma. I was just trying to save his life and bust him out of that death box. The whole business with him suffering head injuries due to a brick in the head wouldn't have happened had he really been in a magical box, which I thought he was. Besides it's not like he is that much different now. He talks as much as he ever did, and at least now he isn't suffering inside of that box. It just proves that you can't help people because they will sue your ass if it does go perfectly great. I'm sorry, but I just hate those mimes.
Anyway, about the Oscars. We had big plans for those. For starters we had Courtney Love all set up to do the red carpet. We thought if anyone could out bitch Joan Rivers and her hoity totey little daughter Melissa it would be Ms. Love. It would have worked out had she not gone partying with those damn dirty mimes the night before. I'm sorry but that was a setup. Those mimes aren't friends with her. But suddenly the night before the Oscars they score some of the best black tar heroin you can get outside of Afghanistan! And believe me folks I know Afghani black tar heroin. Not because of those mimes ever sharing with me. You can trust that those damn dirty bitches never showed up at my house sharing their stash. Anyway…they made sure we wouldn't have Courtney Love. And who just parties with a bunch of mimes that they don't even know who just show up at the door all in black with white makeup and a bag of drugs? That's just not right.

Well I myself thought the Oscars started later so I missed most of the first half. When I did turn on the TV I thought I was watching the Olypics or something. Germany was winning for some film and they said this was Germany's second win or something. I didn't know that we were all competing for our countries; cuz if we are it wasn't America's night to shine. Who decided to let all these foreigners compete is beyond me. Did you know that in the best actress category there was only one American? That poor national treasure Meryl Streep was all alone competing against the damn British and some other foreigners.

I feel sorry for the guys that win in groups and have to go up with like 5 other guys. Well the guy who gets there first gets to thank everyone. By the time it's the third guys turn they already have the music all going to get em off the stage.

And speaking of the music. I was thinking that instead of just playing the music they need to invest in some tazors or some trained attack dogs. Now I'm not suggesting we really hurt people who talk to long…just let em see the dogs just off stage foaming at the mouth to get a bite of them. Fear is all you need ladies and gentle men. If that doesn't work a nice dose of electricity will.

I didn't see any of the winning movies, as I don't care for foreigners and I don't go out to the movies to read…am I right? But I was glad to see that my favorite movie "Snakes on a Plane" was finally recognized by some sort of shadow puppet academy. But taking a closer look, I think those shadow puppet people were actually some of those godforsaken mimes! Had those hell bound demons infiltrated the Oscars? I don't know what happened after that because I went into a blind rage induced blackout that was undoubtedly fueled by all the gin and black tar heroin because next thing I know I'm sitting here in front of these camera's and its like 3 days later and there's blood on my cloths as you can obviously see. Oh and there's was a stripper locked in the trunk of my car begging to be let out. For the life of me I don't know what the heck I got up to…but I blame the mimes for it. Oh yes…I blame the mimes. Well. Its been a pleasure. I am Joe Doe…er…I mean John Smith? Is that the name I go by now? I don't know, its been a long week. Anyway…if I'm not forced to go on the run when I let that stripper out of the trunk I will see you soon. Or if I am on the run, you might be seeing me even sooner as I will need a place to hideout. Maybe I should give it some time before I let her out. We will see. Good night

How to have an open relationship

How to have an open relationship
Current mood: cold

Channel 214 presents a public service continuing educational seminar to broaden your mind.

How to guarantee a successful open relationship

…or Sex is fun with anyone you aren't contractually obligated to do it with

Hello and Good morning to all you couples out there interested in the wonderful world of non monogamous committed relationships. I am Dr.Jezebel and I will be your tour guide through the rocky terrain of unconventional relationships. To ease your obvious first reaction I can assure you not to take any stock in my name. It's no more than a mere title. I am no more a Jezebel than I am a real doctor. This is to say that I never went to medical school or any college specializing in medicine or relationships, but I have been around the block a lot of times. I mean a lot! So if you say that makes me a Jezebels I say welcome to the 20^th century. We use words like slut and whore now thank you. Now that that's cleared up I would like to present you with some time tested rules for keeping your sex life where it belongs, outside of the relationship.

Some ignorant people see open relationships as merely an excuse to spend all of your sexual energy on strangers and doing everything in your power to avoid having sex with the latest person you have chosen to spend your life with, but that's only part of it. It's also about having sex with as many partners that you possibly can while not saving any of your attention for your one and only. The only way to combat small mindedness such as that is by spreading your message to as many attractive or semi attractive people as you can, preferably through sex.

The first rule to an open relationship that I strongly recommend above all others is ...and I can't stress just how important this is….don't let your partner know that your relationship is open to begin with. It usually keeps your partners uncontrollable jealousy at bay if you simply don't tell them that it's OK for the two of you to sleep with everybody else. What they don't know can't keep you up with a throbbing headache after hours of "talking about it". I also find that when the other person is unaware that it's ok for them to cheat they usually do it less and if you're prone to blind rage like I am, this is a good thing.

Now if you must let them in on your special arrangement be aware that your partner will probably take advantage of it. If it bothers you to let the love of your life date other people and stay out for 4 or 5 weekends a month then you only have one choice as I see it. You need to date hotter people and take off for a week or two at a time, preferably around Valentine's Day and your anniversary. It is no good for anybody involved if you aren't out having sleazy hardcore sex every chance you get. What would your partner think if instead of thoughtful note letting them know you are getting screwed by the night crew at McDonald's they find you making them dinner. Or worse, interested in having sex together! As in, with each other!

Some couples have rules they set for what you can and can't do with your other sexual partners. For example, the rule about not kissing anybody else is quite common. I encourage this and other rules like it. If there are no rules at all to break then what do you do when you want to be sleazy? Without a list of things you can't do, you'll soon discover there's not much you even want to do anymore. If you have rules it also addresses the question of what to do when you feel like retaliating at your partner and making them hurt like they hurt you. You have a no kissing rule? Make sure they see you kissing some hottie more passionately than the two of you have ever thought about kissing. If you have a rule about only playing with others on holidays convert to a religion that endorses frequent celebrations. I myself am a Catholic Jew with strong Muslim beliefs. If there is a safe sex only rule, nothing says "Eat me Bi@#h!" like having somebody else's baby or a raging case of scabies.

The question of drug use invariably comes up in regards to sex outside the relationship. It just never ceases to amaze me that some of you people can actually have sex without drugs! Personally I have never tried it, but to each his own. It is vital that you shy away from the bad drugs however. Bad drugs are the ones that don't contribute to your love life in a positive way and in fact may harm the central relationship. Good drugs are those that have some beneficial use either for enhancing sex with others or for keeping the nausea at bay when having to do your business with your partner. Good drugs in the first category include, but are not limited to cocaine, alcohol, marijuana, meth, heroin, angel dust, ecstasy, GHB, special K, poppers, gasoline fumes, caffeine, mushrooms, LSD, some more PCP, Ritalin and aspirin. Good drugs in the second category also include Pepto Bysmo and Mylanta. The Bad drugs remain in a class that I have yet to discover but you can rest assured that I am working vigilantly on figuring out.

The naysayer will tell you that one of the major drawbacks to this kind of relationship is the risk of spreading disease. Whenever I am confronted with that kind of backwards logic I ask them how it is even possible for me and my life partner to give each other a disease if we never have sex with each other? That kills their argument right away and they start to really grasp the concept of a loving open relationship with someone you plan on spending the rest of your life with ….unless somebody better comes along ….which you give them every chance to being as you spend every free minute trying out new sex partners. You do the math.

I'm sure there are many more points I can make describing the misunderstood beauty of an open relationship but I need to get home before my beloved so I can call dibs on the sex room or else yours truly will walk in on some hot, ego shattering sex instead of the other way around. This is Dr. Jezebel saying until next time give your relationships all the respect they deserve. And if you have any further questions I will be available for demonstrations at the nasty shop on MLK all day Sunday.

Currently reading : Wigfield: The Can-Do Town That Just May Not

Lets Talk Topless

You don't need to peep at us through the keyhole….come on in and make yourself comfortable with the girls from the second classiest strip club on the exit 299 off ramp. Its time for

Lets Talk Topless!

With your hostess, the white version of Oprah if Oprah was the most popular dancer at The Beaver Dam on the Wedensday afternoon shifts…its Destiny Star. And I'm her co-host Frankie Sin HOTra. Whoo Hooo! Yah! Oh yeah!

Destiny- Holly Crap Frankie…calm down for fucking crying out loud! Are you high or what?

Frankie-Oh yeah! Instead of a real tip, I let a grabby trucker put these purple pills in my panties and the ones that didn't fall out and roll all over the stage into that grabby bitch Tiffany's janky hands I made sure to grab up myself and I think I should a started with one and not 3, but its ok cuz I enjoy being really fudged up. I said Fudged up instead of fucked up so you can't blame me for this not being a family friendly show cuz you don't get any friendlier to the family than me.

Destiny- So you didn't even bother to think that the host of the show might need a little pick me up?

Frankie-Oh gosh Amber, I'm sorry. I thought you had an AA meeting tonight. That's why you weren't drinking anything harder than rum and cokes for lunch.

Destiny- Yeah, Alcoholics Anonymous. Not prescription speed anonymous. Anyway….Thank you all for checking us out and helping make our show not the lowest rated show on Channel 214!! I know your sacrificing a lot what with it being the last episode of The OC on channel 13 and all.

Frankie- I would totally be watching The OC if I could focus long enough on one thing to….if I ….I totally love your new boobs Amber. They are so much bigger than mine.

Destiny - And softer too. Thanks. Yours are…not as bad as everyone said.. I'm sure the feeling will come back eventually.

Frankie- I hope not, I like em like this. Darrel can be grabby McGrabby all night long and it doesn't even wake me up anymore. Or make me dream of when I was young and my uncle Rob used to baby-sit me on…

Destiny -OK! No more remembering things. That always leads to recovered memories and we've already done 3 shows on Satanic Cults from our Childhoods and at least a weeks worth on your uncle Rob.

Frankie- I went to a satanic preschool.

Destiny-Duh Frankie!It was the 80's everybody went to a satanic preschool. Let's talk about something happy. So that we can bounce around all happy like so that all the gentlemen watching feel more inclined to come to the Beaver Dam this Wednesday Morning for all you can eat shrimp and half price lap dances! Whoo Hooo! Watch me bounce!

Frankie-Did you take one of my purple pills?

Destiny- Just one. Damn these are good! Come stop in tonight for our Pretty Presidents Day Pussy Cat Propaganda Party! You've never seen Abe Lincoln like this! That was a lot of P's in one sentence. So do you have any current events you want to chat about Frankie?

Frankie-I don't really follow stuff like that. But I do have some recent news items on my mind. Who do you think has been cutting up all those girls?

Destiny - Are we talking about the Stripper Ripper?

Frankie- the Stripper Ripper got caught over two weeks ago Amber, old news. It's the exit 299 off ramp Ripper that I'm worried about. But the good news is he doesn't seem to just hate us dancers. He hates hookers and hooker/dancers too.

Destiny -Or she. The exit 299 off ramp Ripper could easily be a girl too. Women are just as good as men when it comes to killing things.

Frankie-What are you suggesting Amber? Are you saying that you or I could have attacked that bitch Bambi last Monday and made it so she won't be stealing the show ever again with her new smile that off ramp Ripper gave her? Because it would almost be impossible to get the job done and be back home in time to watch my stories. And you know I'm not missing my stories for anyone. Although it would be worth it to fix that bitch Bambi's wagon. Yes sir. It was worth it.

Destiny -uh…ok. I just meant that it could be you or some other dancer like our first guest Nakita, from the so called classiest gentlemen's club on the exit 299 off ramp…The Muffin Spot. Well aren't you pretty Miss Nakita.

Nakita- Whatever Bitch. I'm just here to promote the live sex show at The Muffin Spot this Sunday…and it doesn't start until after most folks get out of church, so there's no conflict there. And I am not…I repeat I am NOT the Exit 299 off Ramp Ripper.

Destiny -It's funny, but I don't believe liars Nakita..If that's your real name. Apparently you have a name you use on stage and one you use elsewhere. It's like your leading a double life…Nadine!

Nakita-It's called a stage name you twat! Not all of our moms had the foresight to name us for stripping.

Frankie-I guess our Mama's just saw bigger things for us than yours did Miss Nadine of The Brookstone Apartments number 33A.

Nakita-You Bitch! I'll cut you!

Frankie-Not if I cut you first.

Destiny -Unfortunately we are out of time. Tune in next week to see who got cut up most in the knife fight we're fixing to have. And remember all you can eat shrimp Wednesday mornings at the Beaver Dam!!

new music and funny comedy Hour with .Liberace

Thursday, February 15, 2007


boring personal stuff. best just to skip.

channel 214 presents
The New Music and Funny Comedy Hour with ...Liberace. (heres your announcer Earl) Hey Hey baby's. This is ...well you can just plain tell I ain't Liberace. And I don't right feel right about playing that I am. This is our new show where we spotlight the new funny and musical videos that we stole,....er found . And we couldn't think of a person to host that was funny and musical except for Sarah Silverman and Fern came up with Liberace. Fern is the lady who answers the phones. You haven't met her on account of her boyfriend seems to keep accidentally hitting her in the face with a door and it doesn't look too good on camera.First Fern suggested Kathy from the funny pages cuz she thinks that gal Kathy is Hilarious...but she is not musical and that made her invalid.And since Liberace was kinda a funny man...a real funny duck...he would be good..but he is also dead. Anyway...we're still looking for a host but until then watch these two clips. Its also not an hour either but the New Music and Funny Comedy 8 minutes didn't sound as good.