WWJC- What Would Janky Choose? for June 11

7:16 PM - WWJC- What Would Janky Choose? for June 11
Current mood: nauseated

If you were wondering what would JankyB choose then wonder no more. Here are my picks in the world of pop culture.

Movies- I recently went to the Baghdad Theater here in Portland ($3 movies, old style balcony, and you can eat a slice of pizza and drink a pitcher of beer in the theater..awesome) and saw super cool movie called "Grindhouse". For those that haven't seen it yet, it has my stamp of approval. It is actually a double feature. Robert Rodriguez (Sin City, From Dusk Till Dawn, Spy Kids) directs the bloody over the top zombie flick and Quentin Tarantino ( Kill Bill, Jackie Brown, Pulp Fiction) gives you a movie where girls really kick ass. Kurt Russels' misogynistic ass to be exact. These are both a sort of tribute to the over the top, cheesy, ultra violet exploitation films of the 1970's. It's obvious these guys love the grindhouse genre and they have fun kickin' it old school here. It's really just a fun, kick ass experience with lots of moments that make you want to cheer...which the audience I saw it with wasn't afraid to do. Grindhouse is definitely the coolest movie I have seen in a while, but how could it not be with these two directors in control. It is fun escapism at its most exploitive and goriest.

Old Movies- I'm feeling kinda sick today, so I've been curled up on the couch watching older movies that don't suck. Have you seen the late 70's version of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers"? You should. It's a great sci fi flick shot in a very film noir style where you can't trust anyone and things feel wrong and creepy right from the start. If this was film class I could do a whole paper on how it relates to alientation in a postmodern world...but I'm not and I wont do that to you. It stars Donald Sutherland, Jeff Goldblum and Lenard Nimoy. I own it if you wanna borrow a copy.

I watched another 70's era film, a documentary called "Grey Gardens" which I'd heard about but never got around to watching until now. I enjoyed it, but it's not for everybody. The film shows you the eccentric, often sad and bitter, but always musical lives of a mother and daughter living in a old mansion that could possibly become condemned due to it's janky state. These two women who love and resent each other apparently used to be beautiful, talented, and rich. They are also the cousin and aunt of Jackie Kennedy Onassis. This is a great character study of two great characters. The daughter..Little Edith went a little crazy somewhere along the way...probably during the 25 years she has been stuck taking care of her mother at Grey Gardens, while missing out on any life of her own. This is a cult classic that I'm glad I finally saw.

Books
If you want a good laugh out loud read you can't go wrong with any of the books by David or Amy Sedaris. He writes hysterical brutally honest short stories that leave me crying with laugher. Among his books are "Naked" "Holidays on Ice","Me Talk Pretty Someday" and "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim."
Trust me they are all good. He is a self involved, obsessive compulsive, sometimes abuser of vice, gay guy who was a weird little gay outcast as a child. It was creepy how much we actually had in common at times. And you feel like you may know his family as well as if you were one of them. I love his mom so much it surprises me.

His Sister is the uber talented Amy Sedaris.
You may know her as Jerry Blank from "Strangers With Candy." She also voices on of the princesses in Shrek the Third. I love her so much I could just kidnap her and keep her in the basement forever! This girl is crazy. And a Crazy Good Host. I have her book "I like you. Hospitality Under the Influence." The book is of course funny, but it is not a joke book. There are some great recipes and party ideas from cover to cover. Amy also co wrote a innovative satire called "Wigfield" with her two close friends Paul Dinello and Stephen Colbert. Yeah...Colbert Nation host Stephen Colbert.
I liked this book so much that I wanted to steal the general idea and blog the crap out of it. It is written in small pieces through the voices of the jankiest, trashiest strippers, arsonists, and equally shady citizens of the soon to be destroyed town of Wigfield...which is really just a strip of highway with a lot of strip clubs and junkyards.
Inmates
I pick Martha Stewart over Paris Hilton. Yeah Martha is a ruthless bitch, but when she was sentenced to prison time she showed up early and did her time. Paris "I'm fucking famous for having more money than anyone should" Hilton showed up late to jail after trying to take over the MTV movie awards. She toughed it out for 2 whole days before some idiot sheriff decides she should be released due to an unspecified medical condition. I was so happy when the judge said no fucking way to that and threw her ass back in. Apparently she was crying and calling out for her Mom and even going so far as to make the sign of the cross while in court. Too bad her and Martha's sentences weren't in sync because I'd really like to see Paris become Ms. Stewart's personal bitch.
Beverages
I pick the yummy for my tummy Caramel Frapachino's over the kinda nasty Orange Creamcicle ones at Starbucks. I love t he Caramel ones. I could drink those all day. And I really like getting them at the Starbucks that are inside of Fred Myers. Do you know why? You aren't allowed to tip them when they are Freddy's employees. I can tell them how much I want to, but they can't accept it. Is it wrong to enjoy that so much?
Sports
I also pick the feel good sport of Frisbee now that the weather is so nice. Unlike the equally boring and stressful sport of baseball Frisbee is actually fun. Those are my picks. Let me know if you try any of them.

What Would Jankey Choose

It's one am..I just got home from work, and I started thinking to myself "What the good people of myspace need are more lists of things that I like. There are billions of poor lost souls out there searching for something, anything to fill the empty places in their life." (not convinced? try reading it in a wise matronly British accent, a Mary Poppins voice if you will... thats how I thought it and I believe whatever that voice tells me).Perhaps what they are searching for are quality movie, music, book and TV picks that are Jankey approved. Who do I think I am to deprive anyone of such a small gift. I'm not so special to ignore this mission..but my What would Jankey Choose All Star Wednesday picks are good. They are That Good.
Seriously, I needed something to fill the gap between my semi- regular Tuesday horoscopes and Sex Blog Thursday so here are a few things I recommended from the pop cultural landscape.

Movies. What qualifies me to recommended movies to you? Well I work in the glamorous fast paced world of movie rentals. duh! And one of the things that makes my life so much better than yours is that I get to rent movies a week before the rest of the world does. So unless you've done something extreme, like seen it in a theater, I may give you a heads up on what to look for and what to avoid. Thats assuming I don't have any late fees because when you work there you can't owe anything at all or they won't let you rent. And pre-streets (thats what they are called in the biz) are only one day rentals so its easy to get late fees. Don't look for any prestreet recommendations today though...I have late fees. And besides..nothing B movie crap comes out next week anyway.

A. Pans Labyrinth.

OK, in all seriousness this in one of the best movies to come out for rental in a while. Visually it is outstanding which means it stands out from the pack. (sorry..is the snobby know it all voice outwearing its welcome?I'll tone it down.) It is a Spanish movie set in fascist Spain in which a young girl and her mom go to live in the country with the mom's new husband, a sadistic ultraviolet general who is trying to crush the guerrilla resistance in the surrounding woods. The movie is a fairy tale really, more Brothers Grim than Mother Goose. The girl soon discovers a bizarre magicical world hidden just beneath the hopeless reality of her own. A horned Pan-esque creature called a Fawn sends her on three character testing missions as things continue to get worse at home. Thats all I'm giving away from the plot, but I will give you a couple of heads up, because that's just what I do.

First, this is not a fairy tale to show your kids. It is brutally violent in places and the scary monsters will give them nightmares. There was one scene in particular where I had to look away from the screen and every time I glanced back what I couldn't watch was still happening. The violence isn't glamorized but it is frightening...

Second, the movie is in subtitles. That fact alone has turned so many people away from seeing it which is sad. You wouldn't believe some of the ways American movie watchers react to the shocking news that movies are made in other languages. Its become standard practice this last week to warn people about the subtitles after mass angry calls and returns.
One woman I warned got into an angry racist discussion with a lady next to her in line. "Why do they have to go ruin good movies like that?" she asked dumbstruck. Apparently we had shattered her illusion that the rest of the world is either too poor and/or stupid to make thier own movies. And how dare they inflict their language on us. We are Americans dammit. Both ladies agreed that the last thing you wanted to do was listen to Spanish of all languages. Not on purpose. The fact that the womans husband is Cuban had little affect on her view of the Spanish language. It always surprises me that people can be so willing to give such rude and racist opinions to strangers, confident that everybody will agree. It seems that around here (Oregon, I can't say for other places) Mexicans are a group that it is becoming frighteningly popular to talk bad about . Another woman,(who was Russian) after I informed her of the whole subtitle businessjust kept repeating over and over like a mantra "Thats Stupid. ugh. Thats stupid. Thats so stupid." And to answer the number one most asked question of the week...no we don't have any copies just in English. Yes, all the copies on the shelf are in Spanish and its not gonna do you any good to go to Blockbuster because it's not just our company with the bad taste to put foreign movies on the shelf. Sorry, that was a rant...but jeez. It can really make you lose respect for people. More so than if they are big renters of Steven Segall, Van Damm or Jessica Simpson.

B. Sherry Baby.

If I had to describe this movie in one word it would be ....honest, but I'm going to use a few more words. You know me, a regular Chatty Cathy. It stars Maggie Gylenhal as a woman just released from prison and dealing with trying to start a new life without falling back into the heroin habit. Her brother and his wife have been raising her young daughter, the system seems to work against her and shes got herself a real fucked up relationship with Daddy dearest. This movie could easily gone the cliche route of bringing out the sad music when we are supposed to cry and telling us everyapect of these characters pasts that explains why they are what they are, but it doesn't .You can infer volumes from the way Sherry fights for her dads atttention at a family gettogether.Maggie Gylenhal was robbed of an Oscar nomination which she clearly deserves for so completely bringing this character to living, breathing, damaged life.

Books. Since this has turned into a monster I will only do one book pick today. I was going to do a whole section of how fucking awesome Chuck Pahlonick is complete with all kinds of interesting facts but I want to get to bed and you are probably halfway out the door to the video store. Chuck wrote the book that became the movie "Fight Club" with Brad Pitt and Edward Norton. I like that movie a lot, but it one of the only books by him i haven't gotten around to reading yet. But I have read "Choke" and so should you.
Trying to summarize one of his novels is like teaching Spanish from a Taco Bell menu. It won't do it justice and won't really tell you anything about the real story. OK fine..the main character is a sex addict who works in a cheesy Colonial Village with his loser friend who is always being locked in the stockade. He gets extra money by pretending to choke in restaurants, which gives someone else a chance to "save his life" which somehow ends up with them writing him periodic checks. Oh, and his mother was a crazy extreme activist who did things like switch the labels on colors of hair dye in the store or release the animals at the zoo. Go read it. At the very least it will make you that much hipper.


Music. Download
"When the Sun Goes Down" by the Arctic Monkeys "
Nasty Naughty Boy" by Christina Augularia
Crooked Teeth" by Death Cab for Cutie
"Apology Song" by the Decemberists
"Jolene" the Dolly Parton and the White Stripes version
"Needle in the Hay" by Elliot Smith
Angie Baby" by Helen Reddy
"Trailer Trash" by Modest Mouse
"Papa Don't Know (What Mama's Gonna Do Tonight)" by the New Pornographers...and since thats a remake get another one of their sons..try "Ballad of a Comeback Kid"
"Kissing the Lipless" by the Shins
"Superstar" the Carpenters and Sonic Youth version. compare the versions and also listen to the words and see if it's what you always thought it was about. Did you think it was about a crazy stalker who lets a rock star fuck her while he's playing in her town then tells her "Maybe I'll be back again someday" and she obsesses like a psycho over him. hey..thats just my take on it. Maybe you hear a love song.
"If you want to sing out sing out" by Cat Stevens from the "Harold and Maude" soundtrack.
At the very least you will have a very interesting playlist while you respond to my blog with some top recommendations of your own.

Tv. If you haven't been watching the most recent "The Real World" you don't know what you've been missing! Psych. I haven't spent much time with those brats or liked any of them since Real World Hawaii...*I miss Ruthie. She was unfairly painted as an out of control alcoholic and forced to go to rehab but now you can't get an audition unless you show up drunk and ready to fuck. You have a lot of recommendations from me already. Watch your season finales and I'll help you find some awesome shows on DVD this summer. Fine, you don't have to twist my arm. Your assignment is to watch at least the first two seasons of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and write an essay discussing Angel going scary evil as a metaphor for a guy suddenly turning into a different person the morning after a girl sleeps with him.
What are you waiting for. Didn't you ask for my advice on what you should fill your head with? You didn't? Oh...well I'm still asking yours. What are some of your favorites this week? I hate to tag people because who knows what will happen to my fragile ego when my call to action is ignored...but you have my permission to tag yourself. Or fuck yourself for all I care.(I care. if you want to write about your favorite ways to do that I'm all ears.)