dear B, help!
Category: Life

Ok..since none of you janky bastards have felt the burning need to write in and help me become a world renowned advice columnist I will have to go around the web and steal other people's letters to show you how good I am with your problems. I swiped the first letter from a website fir devout Cristian teens.Ok..while I get this letter I will get myself into character so i will be convincing as a ..i guess I'm putting on a youth paster hat this time. ok..shoot.

Q. A few months ago, my girlfriend broke up with me. Since then, I'm seeing signs that she's not walking closely with God anymore. I feel like I should say something to her. But since I'm not her boyfriend anymore I don't know how she'd take these comments. What should I do?

Brother Dane-: You were right in coming to me Andrew. God guided you my way and you were just in letting him. I find that I am conflicted here my son. On the one hand you are no doubt a dirty nasty sinner who was never able keep his devil paw's off of that whore of an ex girlfriend of yours.The Great literary character known to most as Carrie's mom said it best when she said a womans dirty pillows are sent from the devil himself. and you must resist them like you hopefully resist the devils other trappings such as dancing, Jews and a so-called open mind Hmph! Well i consulted with Jesus on this and you are right that she is no longer walking with God. God told Jesus that he waits for her at the corner before school every morning and she ditches him every time so she can get a ride with a Catholic! It wont be long before she is getting drunk off of sacrament and molesting little boys in confessional booths. Thats the way these things work tim.She is lost to unholy may worshipers and is no doubt doing all she can to undermine out good Christian Values , my young friend Kevin. IN fact Jesus said shes already started getting her planned parenthood abortion card stamped ands gets he next one free

Um...that was ..interesting Brother Dane. I think I will get the next one since it comes from Seventeen Magazine so they are gonna want someone a bit closer to that age...a bit more hip.And I'm practically still a teen myself. .....ok..I'm 31, but a young 31. Just bring on the question

I'm involved with a married man. He's only two years older than I am, but he has a daughter and has been married since April of this year. He means the world to me and vice versa. How do I deal with the situation?
--Mary, 17, Detroit, MI

Well Mary, the good news is he hasn't been married that long so theres a very good chance that he will leave his wife eventually and then he will be all yours. You just need to remember not to nag him, never call his house and never ask him any direct questions about the marriage. After all thats really no none of your business as the mistress. I know our good friend Brother Dane thinks you should probably be set on first like in the olden timey days, but I have your back Mary.If in 10 years he is still with his wife you may need to start thinking about taking other actions but until then your young and ope fully beautiful. don.t wast it by not seeing someon just cuz he's married.

Yet another advice column

now that I've fulfilled my dream of getting my own kind of horoscope out there to the people, I figured its time to work on another one I've had. A sex and relationship advice column more along the lines of Dan Savage than Ann Landers.And While I am not a licensed therapist I am more qualified than....say...You over there. I ended up getting a bachelors of science in Sociology, but psych was my major tor half of that time and I took as many human sexuality classes as i could....about 3.. Plus I'll just say that I am no virgin to....well to much of anything anymore.I was very new to the whole relationship thing until recently but I lucked out with a guy who is thoughtful, hot, full of integrity, and rarely raises his voice..unlike myself. Plus he's a big ol' whore , which allows me to be too if that's the mood I"m in. Point is...well point is its not gonna hurt you to send a letter and maybe it will be fun.. And informative. And after all, knowing is half the battle.

For now, I'm stealing some letters written to Dan Savage for Savage Love...but I'm not gonna read his responses until mine are done.Lets go.

I hope you post this note as a warning. I recommend that everybody stay away from Craigslist. When I started looking at the personals on Craigslist, I was fascinated (there are some freaks out there), but I was also looking for pictures with bare female flesh. After I exhausted the pages for cities in the U.S., I started looking at ads posted in other countries. That's when I noticed that the same hot babe in Finland posted the same picture in six different U.S. states and four different countries.

She wasn't the only one posting the same ad in many different places. When I realized that all these offers for NSA sex were scams, I lost interest in even looking at the pictures. Your readers should know that hot anonymous sex is unlikely to occur—at least through Craigslist—and focus their efforts elsewhere.

Don't Be Fooled

My response- Don't be fooled, you can start off by not being a whiner. Maybe it was just me but your tone was kinda like the kid that tattles on other kids, in this case Craigslist, hoping he will come across as a much better person by the adult he's narcing to.. That kid doesn't have many friends for a reason. Anyway...The main point I wanted to make was ...Speak for yourself. I don't know first hand what the odds are for a straight man trying to get a NSA hookup on Craigslist. I have read some pretty whoreish ads that are supposedly left by women. (And I mean whorish in the best possible way. It always makes me a little warm inside when a woman is in touch with want she wants and secure enough to put up an ad for a gang bang. Actually come to think of it that was probably written by a man) I have had plenty of hot times hooking up off of CraigsList as a gay man. (One of my most memorable being an unbelievably attractive ex-Mormon boy who still had all the manners and charm he was raised with, but who could unleash a unbridled sex monster inside. The result was something like "Please rape me) Granted, with Phone and/or internet access any decent looking gay guy with the right attitude can have a hookup ready to go in 15minutes, less if he doesn't have a shopping list of qualities he Must have in a potential sex partner. I'm pretty sure it's not quite so easy for the straight guy, but it does happen and not every woman on there is a scam or a bot as they are called. Once you know what to look for its pretty easy to tell a real person from a lure to get you to a pay site.
I think the bigger question here has to do with the fact that you got so obsessed going through craigslist that you ran out of ads in your state, moved on to others and ended up having the entire lineup in Finland memorized. But hey...I can be irritating as fuck myself sometimes.

Currently listening : Back to Basics By Christina Aguilera Release date: By 15 August, 2006