7 deadly sins

7 deadly sins
Current mood: dorky

WRATH

-Who did you last get angry with? Oh..I'm sure the boyfriend. yeah..we got in an argument at McDonald's the other morning. The girl messed up my order then argued with me..and I wasn't all causing a scene. It's bad customer service. I work customer service so I'm usually very good to others..but if its bad service I hate it. Anyway..she also happened to be black and he thought I should look at the cultural issues that might make her act that way...yada yada. I know. but I'm color blind when I'm judging customer service. And he made way to big a deal out of it..but claims I was the one who made the big deal. eh.
-What is your weapon of choice? humor
-Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? yeah.but not like in a domestic violence way. When my cousin fooled me with a trick pen that kinda shocked me I didn't think twice about punching her in the arm and calling her a Bitch. It's not ok to hit anybody in a violent way.
-How about the same sex? never in a violent way. In the 12th grade in a fight with my step dad I did...and when me and my cousin got trashy super drunk and started play fighting...but ended up beating the shit out of each other until the cops showed up. But we thought we were playing. those flavored vodka's are dangerous.
-Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Probably Cain..the partner. I think it was cuz he had to do some dishes or something. how should I know what it is I do that pisses him off'?
-What is your pet peeve?Bad customer service. customers that think if they get irate and mean that somehow that will shift the outcome in their favor. It won't. Over apologizing. I hate when someones always sorry about this or so sorry they didn't clean before you came over ..blah blah. I'm not sorry when my room is a mess. Being accused of lying when I'm not. Full Screen as opposed to wide. Cuba Gooding JR.
-Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I let things go....maybe sometimes too soon . unless its really bad..but the people I surround myself with rarely do anything that bad.
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SLOTH

-What is one thing you're suppose to do daily that you haven't?dishes.
-What is the latest you've ever woken up? I'd been partying hard for a few weeks once...(this was forever ago) and I went to sleep about noon on Saturday and woke up about midnight on Sunday. There had been a power outage...and I had no idea what time it was or what day. I had to walk to the store to find out what day it was. freaky.
-Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't? Tristan. I'm going to do that today
-What is the last lame excuse that you made? That its always too late to call him when i can. truth is I just feel guilty for not calling and am dreading doing it.
-Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? no
-How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this morning?its my day off. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GLUTTONY..

-What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?Venti Caramel Frappachino with extra caramel.
-Are you a meat eater?in the kitchen and the bedroom. and on the back porch. And on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland.
-What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? For a few years there in college I drank everyday...and a lot. enough to black out. I don't know.
-Are you comfortable with your drinking and eating habits? now I am. I could eat better but I don't stress. I've gotten drunk once this year. And that was a couple nights ago..and I wasn't that drunk.
-Do you enjoy candy and sweets? eh...sometimes. sour candy.
-Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods? spicy

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GREED
-How many credit cards do you own? Hell..they won't give me a credit card.
-If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it? One hell of a party. take my family traveling...and buy a house.
-Would you rather be rich or famous? If your famous and not rich its probably because your notorious. Any sexual predator or stupid criminal on he news can get famous and not rich. No thank you. I'll take my check.
-Would you accept a boring job if it meant that you would make megabucks? I could try.
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PRIDE
-What's one thing that you have done that you're most proud of? I got a hold of my out of control life, then traveled to Amsterdam by myself...and managed fine when I was stuck there with no money or ticket home for a few weeks.
-What thing would you like to accomplish late in your life? I want grandkids. The problem is I don't want kids.
-Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? if its something I am good at. I get very competitive...say...with pop culture trivia.
-Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? I wiped the field with those 7yo's asses at the easter egg hunt Sunday. joking.
-Have you ever cheated to get a better score?maybe...but it always makes me feel like such a fake if I cheat or lie.
-What did you do today that you're proud of? Made up for the week I didn't blog.
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LUST
-How many people have you seen naked? Jesus H. Christ....6 billion.
-How many people have seen you naked? I have pics online....I think by now even my grandma's seen em.
-Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a person of your chosen sex during a normal conversation? man bulges usually don't distract gay guys the same way boobs do straight guys. Not that we are any better...its just boobs are right in your face if your turned on by them.
-What is your favorite body part of a person of your gender choice?Ass.
-Have you ever had sexual encounters (including kissing/making out) with multiple persons? Do people still have one on one encounters these days? I thought that went out with the 90's. yeah..I've had a few. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ENVY
-What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own? I want an I pod.
-Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? my best friend Jeniffer.
-Have you ever been cheated on? yeah...but i was always cheating too..
-Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?no I'm practically perfect. uh. yeah. I get really envious of nice haircuts
-What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? whats the opposite of procrastination? eh..I'll look it up later. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What deadly sin...
Do you do the most often? Gluttony and Sloth. And Lust
Do you do the least often? Wrath.

Is your favorite to act on? A nice combo of gluttony and Lust is a thing to treasure.

Currently listening : Hot Fuss By The Killers Release date: 15 June, 2004

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10:24 AM - A-Z Movie Survey. Yeah Folks...its another survey. Current mood: awake A-Z movie quiz done alphabetically, name your movie favourites Animated Film...I loved Monster House. right up until the end it was on its way to some kind of hall of fame. There are some good laughs, a really poignant comineg of age story and until about the end there were some scenes that creeped me out. And the end isn't that bad. It Book Adaptation... Breakfast at Tiffanys was much better than the book. For one thing the book was actually a short story and the movie had Audrey Hepburn. I love this movie. It is an awesome romantic comedy and the two leads are basically prostitutes and there is an awesome shop lifting scene. And this was like 1959 about. Composer... Danny Elfman did Beatlejuice and The Simpsons among many other great themes. Director... Terry Gilliam, Robert Rodrigiez, Quentin Terrantino, Educational Film... Spellbound. I am the worst speller but I love Spelling Bee Movies. They are damn exciting. Foriegn Film... Pan's Labirinth Family Film...Ella Enchanted, Spy Kids, Old Yeller, Swiss Family Robinson, Mary Poppins, Matilda, James and the Giant Peach,The Neverending Story Gangster Film... Goodfella's. Hero... the cival rights figthers in Mississippi Burning... Horror... I grew up on the Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street and Halloween movies. I really liked Wolf Creek and Hostel. Wolf Creek teaches you not to go back for your friends.The first Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes scared me. Icon... Elizabeth Taylor. Audrey Hepburn. Clark Gable. Montgomery Cliff. Marlyn Monroe. James Dean. Jocular Film (comedy)...off the top of my head theres, "The 40 Year Old Virgin" Mean Girls, Little Miss Sunshine, Sixteen Candles, Kissing Scene... A Beautiful Thing when the two boys kiss. I love that movie. Love Story... Harold and Maude. no... Movie Monster... Michael Myers and Penny Wise the Clown. Musical... Grease, Dreamgirls, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Hedwig and the Angry Inch.. Narative Film (documentary)...Murderball, Spellbound, Oscar Winner, Male/Female... Meryl Streep/ Tom Hanks I guess Political Thriller... I hear Manchurian Candidate is awesome. I bought it, but have yet to watch it. Farinheight 911 is a pretty thilling political movie. Quote From a Film... "It's like I have Daddies Fuck hole tattoed on my forehead" Reese Withersoon- Freeway. " Answer the Question Clair"- the Breakfast Club. " "Don't Dream it. Be it." -Rocky Horror Picture Show. " "Fags can be so bitchy" -Valley of the Dolls " When God gives you AIDS, and God does give you AIDS...make lemonaids" -Sarah Silverman from Jesus is Magic. Religious Film... Passion of the Christ was amazing...for snuff porn. it was impressive. Soundtrack/Score... Any Quentin Terrantino movie is sure to have an awesome soundtrack. Science Fiction... The 5th Element, The original Star Wars movies... Television Show Made Into Film... hopefully the upcoming simpsons movie will rock.I liked the Brady Bunch Movie. Underestimated Actor/Actress... Steven Carrell and Uma Thurman. I don't know. Villain... Ursalla from the Little Mermaid. Pinhead from hellraiser. Micheal Myers scares the crap out of me. Western... The Proposition was good. Xmas Film... Elf Young Star... The little girl from Tideland was awesome. Zoo Animal Star... all the pigs from Babe.

QUESTIONS U DONT NORMALLY GET ASKED

QUESTIONS U DONT NORMALLY GET ASKED

1. Do you know anyone in Prison?
my friend Alex's maybe boyfriend is in Jail for 6 months and he wants things to read so I'm going to print some excerpts of my blog and send it to him. I have a captive audiance! ha! My best friends sister is in rehab also and I can send my blog to her. Thats two people who have the choice of reading my blog or staring at the wall. I think I like those odds

.

2. Have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush's myspace?
He doesn't have a myspace account. I started to make him one so I could do that, but he prefers being a myspace widow. You didn't ask about his email or his accounts at other sites.

3. When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
once about 6 months ago. I think it was to drive home the point that I was starving and needed cain to feed me.

5. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
Yeah, a lot of times actually. But they aren't called sex parties for nothing.

6. Name someone you miss.
My friends Britta, Tristian, Nadine and Owen. Seems like 4 of my closest friends all moved away within about 3 months of each other .

7. Are you named after a relative?
My grandpa.

8. Who loves you?
Who doesn't fucking love me. For real.

9. Do you throw up gang signs?
Mad Crazy yo!

10. Have you ever broken a rib?
NO. my wrist was broken for a month before I went to the dr. because I thought it was just a sprain. Then I was in a cast most of the rest of the year.

11. Would you rather be a girl or a guy?
I gots to have my cock.

12. Who is the most spoiled person you know?
They say I am, but folks round here like to say all kinds of things about me. but its better to be talked bad about than not talked about at all, right?.

13. Would you rather have a million dollars or true love?
I'm all about instant gratification. I'd take the money NOW. True love takes a lot of hard work, so nobody could just promise me that it would work...that would be up to me and Cain anyway.

15. Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a marine?
I think he was last night.Or maybe he was roleplaying like he was a loud lesbian. Or he was just in a yelling mood. Either was it got me off.

16. Do you watch the grammy's?
Grammy Schramy. no.

17. Would you ever work for the border patrol?
If it was good pay and they actually hired me. I'd be warning all the immigrants before any big busts..and I'd pretend I didn't see them when we did get there. and the really hot guys would be able to fuck for their freedom.

18. What would you describe your last relationship as:
Sid and Nancy esque.


19. Would you rather date someone 2 years younger or older?
older.

20. What junk food are you?
I'm a sour patch kid.

22. How many proms have you been to in your life?
Not a one.
24. Is your birthday on a holiday?
Sometimes its on Fathers Day.

25. Are you old enough to vote?
oh yeah.

26. Do you have any friends or family in the war right now?
no, thank god.

27 Are you a vegetarian?
no, but I like veggies and tofu.

28. Do you worry about global warming?
I know its something that some people could certainly worry about...but I'm not taking on that anxiety.

29. Do you like polar bears?
oh yeah. When I worked at the zoo I would sometimes go sit and watch them on a break.

32. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I have a whole blog about that.
"Seasons in the Sun" -Terry Jacks
"Puff the Magic Dragon" -Peter Paul and Mary
"Leaving on a Jet Plane"=Peter Paul and Mary
"Time of Your Life"- Green Day
"I Will Follow You"- Death Cab For Cutie
"Don't You Forget About Me"- Simple Minds


34. Did you lose your virginity to your neighbor?
No..but I got naked and naughty with most of them.

35. Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true?
I don't see why I can't be a famous actor, writer, and zoologist while running a farm full of ostrisges, swan, and all tons of other exotic animals. And I'm working on my acceptance speeches for the Daytime Emmy and the Oscar.

36. Do you wear your boyfriend/girlfriends clothes?
to funerals.

37. What's your opinion on gold diggers?
to each his own. They certainly work for the money they plan to steal.

38. Are you a country or city girl/boy?
from the country, but I've always been a city boy at heart.

39. Are you taller than 5'6"
if you can't think of a good question just don't ask one.
40. Do you consider yourself spoiled?
my sell by date is long past.

There were some good questions..but a couple total dumb filler questions so I'm not gonna tag anyone.

In which I fight the meth monsters and travel to the land of canals and Cannabis

- In which I fight the meth monsters and travel to the land of canals and Cannabis
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Life

At the age of 21 I was burnt out, partied out, depressed and semi-homeless after a couple years of self destruction.Something had to change .My life was so bleak that I thought there was no hope. Looking back its just ridiculous to think at the age of 21 I had no future. Thats what an addictive personality and a lust for a chemical rush will do to you.

A few random moments changed everything. One of those random life changers was a temporary nurse at work whose name I can't even remember. I was working as the 6pm-6am nurses aid in a geriatric psych unit at a job I truly loved and was good at. My charge nurse and friend Maude who was an incredible partner in the crazy world of the locked psych unit for two years had just left and I was suddenly being tormented by her replacement, a Nurse Ratchett wannabe. (she probably wasn't that bad..but thats how it felt at the time.)

I would work an exhausting 12hour shift with her then try to find a way back to the unheated tiny trailer I was staying in, which was located in a cow pasture on the property of my aunts boyfriend's invalid mother. Since my aunt was away in rehab I usually had to hitchhike home at 6 in the morning. It probably would have been more depressing if I stopped to think about it, but the only thing on my mind at all times was the never ending task of feeding my addiction and still hitchhiking back to work on time.
At about the time when I was realizing that I couldn't keep this up, I worked for about a week with a new nurse who was filling in for Nurse Ratchett. This girl was very cool. She was a plain looking, short Asian girl, close to my age, but she had a beautiful personality. Her Romanian husband who picked her up some times was too fucking die for supermodel hot, by the way.


We had a lot of time to talk during the night and I was fascinated with the trip she took to Europe during college. I had just read a book from the late 60's about two girls who hitchhiked around Europe from adventure to adventure and I was starting to get a hunger to do the same thing.


Something about her stories fanned the flames of my newfound European obsession and soon I was determined. That determination was what I needed to find the strength in me to fight crank and take my life back.
It could have been anything maybe, but with Europe as my goal I was finally able to say fuck you to the meth monster I had given control of my life too. There was no way I could afford to go if I was using and I wanted to stop. My best friend since high school, Jennifer, was adament that I come and live with her family and get clean. Living with Jenn and not being around the users and dealers I had surrounded myself with was key to my taking my life back.I thank the Goddess for Jenn's friendship and that nurse whose name I can't remember for igniting the fighter in me who had been lying in a fetal position for too damn long. It wasn't easy, but once I was determined it really wasn't that hard.

Unfortunately when your body doesn't have the chemical energy it had gotten used to it was harder than hell to stay awake all night at work. When I was high I was super aid. I did my regular duties as well as organized residents closets, charted their horoscopes, decorated for holidays, fought for their rights, etc. etc. Now suddenly I couldn't even stay awake. I was actually told " your just not doing the work you used to." After Nurse Ratchett caught me sleeping in an empty bed one to many times it was over for me at that job.
That was ok, because I was going to Europe! Now! In March I left my new nursing home job, bought a one way ticket to Amsterdam with the full intention of hitchhiking around Europe for a few years and got on a plane with less than $500 dollars in my pocket. Obviously my brain was still a little fried from the chemicals, because I look back now and think...what the fuck?
What happened after I got off the plane halfway across the world from everyone and everything I knew is for another blog. Now that the setup is out of the way I will tell that story real soon
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- Is my boyfriend dating Don Imus? Current mood: cynical Controversy Will Robinson...Controversy!! My boyfriend thinks that I am some kind of Archie Bunker racist, homophobic fascist bastard. He honestly believes it. Why would my gay part Native American partner think such things? Probably because of all the racist homophobic remarks I always make would be my guess. Whoa Nelly! Before you start commenting on that last comment give me a chance to explain myself. OK? cool. Where to start? First, I'm not some uneducated, white supremacist cross burner. Growing up I was a liberal hippy worshiping wanna be who couldn't get enough of the crazy KKK and skinheads regularly featured on Oprah, Donahue and Geraldo. I would get on my soap box and yell at those wacko's through my TV screen. When Geraldo got his nose broke by the chair wielding neo nazi I just about pissed myself I was so worked up. I hated racism and wanted to stamp it out of existance. In high school when the family made Christmas Cookies I made sure there was a African American Santa, a Latina Angel and a Jewish Canadian Reindeer which would cause my Mom to exclaim "James, Sometimes you just take things too far." After graduation in order to prove my color blindness I pretty much started having sex with every black guy that came onto me. I even accepted a ride from a 6'5" black Jamaican who coaxed me into his car late at night as I walked home from work by pretending to have met me at "that party last week. Remember?" It didn't end as bad as you think it did..but I also don't hold the experience close to my heart as a wonderful sexual learning experience from my nubile teens. I digress...most of my post high school experiences in Austin Tx( where I discovered what real undisguised racism looked like) just strengthened my resolve to fight bigotry. I'm also not lacking proper education. I got my BS in Sociology where Racism and the social institutions that perpetuate it were a main focus (when I wasn't taking classes about sex that is). Fairness, human rights and equality are among the most important ideals as far as I'm concerned. Nothing gets me more passionately riled up than when something strikes me as unfair. I get so mad I could just spit. and kick. and spit some more. So why does the person who is supposed to be closest to me think of me as a racist? Maybe it's because I've encouraged him to think that a little. Maybe it's because of my sense of humor which counts the comedic styling of Sarah Silverman as pure fucking comedic gold. She's funny. She's blunt. She's honest. She says some fucking un PC jokes for damn sure. But I'm no Sarah Silverman and maybe my version of her humor isn't as funny. Maybe because of all the years I've worked customer service I really am a little bit prejuduced. Working with people makes you a tad cynical now and then. And sometimes you form opions about how certain "cultures" act. But I don't limit my observations to Lation's or Russians or Blacks. I think white people, and gay people and rich people and poor people basically work my last nerve sometime. It's a cliche but I am an equal opprutunity hater. The only group I could never be accused of talking mad shit about is women. well..stright women...I could tell you some shit about lesbians! (that was a joke) . That just made it sound like I hate people and I can't stand my customers. Thats not true. I enjoy 95% of the customers I'm serving. (maybe)Customer Service is just a great way to observe a wide cross section of the public. And I've realized we aren't all the same. Colorblindness is retarded. We are all the product of our subcultures in some ways. Alas, this blog is becoming a freakin' Tolstoy novel. And it is unfocused, unstructured and rambling. And worst of all I think it may be making me sound kinda poor,white sheet wearing, southerner circa 1956 (and that was an awfully fucking mean way to lump all southerners together). But consider it a cliffhanger ending. I will leave you with some unanswered questions that may get answered next. Is he advocating racism? Who does he hate most? What makes him so bitter? Why do I care what a obsessive compulsive gay part native american who was raised by white christians have to say anyway. Why doesn't he just shut up? OK..I am shutting up...in one sec. this whole blog began because I was writing a cool survey that got into some stuff about stereotypes and I wanted to lay some ground work. So I blogged about the stereotypes that I fit and the ones I don't. But I had to write this one first...so .....it has become a damn monster. (ok..how do I wrap this shit up?). But the real monster is the result of racism being driven underground where it festers in silence for fear of sounding...well a little racist.

12 Things You Were Never Meant To Know About ME!

12 Things You Were Never Meant To Know About ME!

1. I don't usually cry over real life things, but I let the flood loose watching tv or movies or when reading. There was this Tide commercial where an older college age brother gave his little brother a shirt..he was like 9 and he loved that shirt. He loved it so much the mom wouldn't wash it in anything but Tide and it always teared me up. Spider man 2 also made me cry during the runaway train scene when the people Spider man saved gave him back his mask and said his secret was safe with them. I was crying buckets and trying not to let the people around me see.


2. When I was 21 I took a much needed break from my distructive party lifestyle and rewarded myself by taking a trip to Europe. The plan was to hitchhike around the continent like a book from the 60's I had read. I had read about a US company that bought tickets for stranded Americans so I got a one way ticket to Amsterdam. I got mugged right after I left the train station and the comapany that I had read about was out of business so I was stranded in Europe.Well the backpack was too fucking heavey so I didn't do much hitchhiking. I never even left the city. I moved in with Aad Van der Whall whom I met at a posh sex club there. I stayed 3 weeks and my grandpa bought me a ticket home. I will blog about this in detail soon
.

3. When I kill a spider I leave its body on the wall as a warning to other spiders not to enter my domain. I figure if I was in the jungle and I saw a human head on a spike I'd go the other way..so maybe the same is true for them.

4. I've been watching soap opera's since I was in the 8th grade. I used to skip school to watch One Life To Live. At graduation the valedictorian said they hoped to see my acting on OLTL real soon. I just love continuing story's. Thats also why I like Heros and Lost.


5. I read my mothers copy of Flowers in the Attic when I was in 4th grade. I can't believe she thought that was appropriate, but I didn't understand the incest stuff anyway.

6. My favorite number is 214. My first apartment was that number...I met my first "love"/obsession on the 2nd...we had sex on the 14th of the next month. It was Buffy the Vampire Slayers dorm room. It's also Valentines day.


7. I love making collages, cards, scrapbooks, signs, etc. I love stickers. Its one of the best gifts besides a gift certificate to Powells books that I could get. My partner says instead of flowers at my funeral there are going to be stickers all over the place.

8. I love to hear about people's kinks, fantasies, secrets, regrets, sexual experiences, etc. I love truth or dare for the same reason. I rarely if ever judge and the only thing I can't hear about or watch is probably anything scat related.

9. When I was a CNA we were moving a recently deceased resident and his head turned onto my arm and he kinda threw up on me. ughh. That was my first exposure to a dead person...I handled it fine until I was back in my area then I kinda freaked for a minute.

10. I want to dress as one of the wonder twins for Halloween. I just need the other twin. Jenny from the blog (All That) are you listening?


11. I am a compulsive truth teller. I tell way to much info and share things that most people would never admit. I am good with a secret however. I get off on knowing secrets. The only really taboo subjects are anything number 2 (as in bathroom) related, taxes, or my student loans.

12. I am difficult to shock. try me.

Archives-Sexual horoscope for week of 5/17/07

5:47 PM - your sexual horoscope for the week of may 17,2007

Aries- I see big things in your future Aries, but only if you want to spend 39.99 on those awesome new penile enlargements that keep popping up in your email inbox. And tell them who sent you, 'cuz I supposedly get a cut. But don't you worry yourself about that, just remember Big Thing(s) Aries, Big! And for you girley rams, I hear...er I ugh "see" they work in the bust type area as well.

Taurus- sex and work do not mix Taurus. Well,unless of course you happen to be an escort. Otherwise it's a big no no! I guess they also do kinda mix if you happen to be a high-tech hooker as seen on Craigslist. Oh don't forget the sex therapists. Or the sex educators. Well if we're making a list theres also porn stars, anyone in advertising,strippers, and most workers at massage parlors. Sex if probably some kind of job perk if your a drug dealer. Sex is all in a days work if your a reviewer of porn movies, work in a sex shop, are a sex researcher, are a....ok forget what I said about sex and work not mixing.

Gemini- The details are a little fuzzy Gemini, but I see you jumping half naked out of a big cake this week. Either your moonlighting as a stripper at some sexy parties, or your really trying to scare a loved one into staying on that no sweets diet.

Cancer- You and I have a few things to clear up. What do you think I could be talking about? No, it's not because you forgot to tell me how good I looked the other night, but now that you mention it I did look pretty good. Give up? You forgot to leave me a little "gift" on the bed stand after my last visit in which you yourself say I looked particularly good. Tskk tskk. Some people have businesses to run Cancer, and I'm sure you don't want ..some people to have to go to...some other people like your wife for the balance, now do you?

Leo-The good news is your parents will finally sit you down for that long delayed chat about the birds and the bees this week. The bad news is it's about 2 decades too late and the last few questions you still have about the subject are not one's you want answered by them.

Virgo- Good news Virgo, only one more punch on your card and you get a free hour with one of the Lusty Ladies and/or Gentlemen of the Magic Massage Parlor of your choice. Don't forget about our 2 for Tuesday specials.

Libra- I see a few drinks over at the home of an old friend who has a taste for body shaving. As in shaving your body. Anyway, thats not the unusual part. I'm also seeing you getting your picture taken while "handcuffed" to a towel rack wearing some cutesy trick handcuffs you happened to take from your partners closet. I guess thats not so strange for you either, but the real cute part is the look on your face when you discover those handcuffs aren't so tricky and your friend needs to call the locksmith before his kids get home for college around noon and your handcuffed to the towel rack completely shaved and naked except for the Robin (as in Batman) mask and cape. Let me tell you something..about the same thing happened to me once in a little cottage in Lake Oswego....

Scorpio- Nothing new to report this week scorpio. You will have your usual hot and wild sex on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday. What about Monday? Looks like you'll be plotting some kind of revenge..oh and then move on to some hot and wild sex. You Crazy Scorpio's!That didn't just piss you off did it? Cuz I really hate it when I accidentally piss you off. Especially since we have this whole week of sex planned.

Sagittarius-Do you remember what happened this last spring break Sag? I didn't think so. Fortunately you will just have to ask any of the guys that purchased this last edition of Girls Gone Really Damn Wild. I have a feeling they can fill you in on the details.

Capricorn- You will become involved in a hot, juicy political sex scandal that will make Monica Lewinsky look like June Cleaver. Unfortunately it will also involve the not so lovely Dick Chaney. On the bright side you could be taking down a whole evil like organization and appear on Oprah. But is it worth it?

Aquarius- Your sign is the water bearer Aquarius and it's a fact that you swim like a graceful little frog. You excel at water polo, Marco polo and the game where someone pretends to be Jaws swimming around the pool while everybody else tries to not get knocked off their inflatable recliners. So you are thrilled when you see a personal ad online seeking watersport enthusiasts and quickly respond. Let me know what you think afterwards water bearer.

Pisces- A graceful little frog just responded to that ad you have online Pisces..go check your mail (see Aquarius above).

Am I an Exhibitionist?

I was filling out yet anothersex survey and I got to the typical question asking if I was an exhibitionist. I usually automatically click yes to that question and most others that fit into my self perception as a kinky guy, but I began to wonder how true that was. I'm not actually part of any currently running off off Broadway sex shows and theres a perfectly good street right in the front of the house that I've never been naked in. So I decided to make a list of the things that make qualify me as a true exhibitionist and the things that don't.

Argument for me being a showey perv.

Fact #1- My very first actual memory involves me and a neighbor boy playing naked games in my grandparents garage. I was probably 5 and he was a year younger. His backyard and my grandparents faced each other and he used to bark and howl at our family when we were out there. That earned him the appropriate nick name Barking Billy. So I don't remember how it started or how Barking Billy managed to get over the fence, as this is the only time I can remember ever playing with him, but I distinctly remember us getting naked in the garage where we would take turns spanking each other then kissing each others butts to make it better. Even I admit thats just plain weird. The weirdest part is that I remember worrying that someone could come in and catch us anytime and that didn't stop me. It served to make the experience more exciting. I wont say it turned me on, because I don't know if you can be turned on at that age, but I think I liked the feeling . We never got caught by the way. I never got caught doing anything.

Fact #2- Many of my childhood sex games stack up the evidence against me. In the third grade me and a girl I grew up with played our version of Doctor(without the pretense of either one of us being a doctor)in very daring places. The first time we messed around she had called me to come over...when I showed up she was naked and wanted to try some thing with me. We basically humped our bodies together on a bed of stuffed animals until we heard her parents van pull up and quickly got dressed. We also showed each other our privates in the bushes behind the middle school and on top of a platform for the big slide at Wortman Park. That same year Derrick and I would get naked in his garage and go to "Sex School" most days after school(the smell of sawdust still reminds me of sex). We also played "Dr. Ruth" once in my bedroom while my step dad was right outside the window fixing the car. And I just remembered me, Graham and his little brother getting naked and pretending to take pictures of each other in the van parked in front of our houses in a game we liked to call "Playboy". I would just like to say for the record that while I had a pretty promiscuous childhood and it seems like I played these weird little games with all the kids in the neighborhood, I did not in fact start it with any of them (except maybe Barking Billy...I can't remember). They all initiated these games , at least the first time. Now maybe I had "Future Slut" written in my forehead or dressed like I wanted it...I don't know. And as risky as all that was, I never got caught.

Fact #3-In middle school I jerked off in a field next to a major road on the way to school. Also in the bathroom at school during reherarsal for a play I was in. I also masturbated in our backyard where any neighbor could see me over the fence about that same time. Oh yeah, in the 8th grade me and Danny gave each other oral sex in the prop room at the Gallery Theater when we weren't needed on stage once.

Fact #4- After the long dry spell that was high school I threw myself back into the sex game with my "best friend"/ first "boyfriend"/major obsession Christian. It started in the backseat of his car at a park and we almost got caught so we took off and went somewhere else. I'm gonna put that in the evidence that I may not be an exhibitionist. But when I moved to Texas with him we did it in a lake with camp ground full of possible onlookers. OK..number 4 is a draw.

Fact #5- Something that really got me excited when I was 18 and living in Austin was giving head to a guy while he was driving. I thought that was just so hot. It was also fairly common for me to start giving oral sex to someone when they were on the phone.

Fact #6. Between the ages of 19-21 in which I was partying and playing almost constantly I had who knows how many encounters with an audience. Sometimes it was at a nasty shop (adult video stores for those who don't speak JB slang), sex club or in one case a nude beach in San Fransisco (I didn't have sex, just posed for pictures for a hot guy I met there who turned out to be a hot biker in public and a lingerie wearing cross dresser when he got you home). I was pretty much under the influence of something or other during all those encounters.

Fact #7-
I did my share of dancing on platforms or in cages, drunk out at the bar during college(OK college for me was when I was about 24-29 so I was a little older than the typical experience but high school was a long pause in my sexual/social development so some things are a little different on my time line). I Also messed around in the gym in my building on an exercise machine in the middle of the night my last year of college.

#8- When the weather gets warmer and the sun is shining my fantasies invariably turn to having sex outside, being naked outside, taking pictures naked outside in semi public places, and going to nude beaches. That doesn't mean I have done a lot of those things, but it really turns me on. I know that if i was with someone else that wanted to our enthusiasm would probably make it happen, especially given any opportunity.


#9- A regular sex partner I hung out with last summer, Tim, had an awesome downtown loft on like the 5th floor and I loved to stand naked at the big windows or mess around with him there. The cool thing was that there was a big freeway overpass close enough so that any driver who happened to look to his left would have been able to get a pretty clear , yet quick look before passing. Once a car that did observe something slowed way down during the morning commute and I literally stopped traffic for a few seconds.

#10- I need to wrap up this list at 10....let me add any other damning evidence now or forever hold my peace. Anything else? hmm...I have adult pictures that aren't that hard to find online at a couple gay sites. I've let myself be filmed amateur porn style at least two times that I can remember. (FYI- at least when I did it, the actual viewing of the recording was not as hot as I hoped. Without a makeup crew, decent lighting and a camera man a porn star I was not. I was heard saying things like "Thats what face I make when I do that? Is that how I sound talking dirty? Why do people have sex with me?) I've done "shows" on a web cam before with a wide audience of strangers.

OK...is there anything on the "Reasons I may not be a Pervert Flasher" argument?

Well for one thing I've never flashed anybody really. Maybe I've been pants less in the passenger seat with a sex partner, and I guess truck drivers could have seen, but I don't recall any. At any rate I've never go out wearing just a trench coat and freaking out strangers.
I'm often too scared to do stuff in public for fear of getting caught. Me and the boyfriend messed around for less than a minute at a Fred Myers bathroom once, but I became too scared to continue. There was no excitement thinking about getting caught mixed in there.

I think I have a good idea of what the verdict is going to be, but let me look up a definition of exhibitionist and be sure.

From an online medical dictionary--exhibitionist /ex·hi·bi·tion·ist/ (ek?si-bish´in-ist) a person who indulges in exhibitionism
OK, that didn't help.

From the American Heritage Dictionary-

1. The act or practice of deliberately behaving so as to attract attention. I didn't mean that kind.

2. Psychiatry A psychosexual disorder marked by the compulsive exposure of the genitals in public. OK, its not a true fetish that effects my life, is constantly on my mind or responsible for me having to register as a sex offender.A similar definition can be found in the thesaurus. exhibitionism - the perverse act of exposing and attracting attention to your own genitals. It might still be perverse, but I've only exposed myself to people who wanted to see it...and I don't mean like when a rapist says "She wanted it". I mean like they indisputably wanted it because more often than not they asked me to do it.

Conclusion- OK, I'm not a DSM defined mentally ill exhibitionist, but somehow I don't think thats what is meant on the sex survey i was filling out. Also going against the true meaning of the word fetish, its not an crucial element that I need during sex in order to get off. I have a very healthy fear of getting caught in public or in certain places that prevent me from acting on my desires. But I do enjoy being a little naughty outside, or in semi public places where there may be a chance of being observed, but the chances of a person of authority making me regret my actions is relatively small. But looking at my list gives me the feeling that I should just check the box yes on my next survey. And in a way, as bloggers, aren't we all kind of exhibitionists?