Just the Jankey joint in which you can slum about while discussing and presenting all things pop cultural, sexual and astrological with a smidgen of humor.
Friday, May 4, 2007
7 Ways to Turn me on
Friday, May 04, 2007
MY 7 Big Turn ons
7 things that turn me on (as of noon 5/3/07) Thanks for all the feedback on the 7 Deadly Turn offs I posted yesterday. It was just a quick thing I didn't expect to be read much and it probably got me as many comments than I got with the last 4 months of blogs combined. who knew people enjoyed reading about other peoples sex lives so much? I think I might really be on to something here. Apparently sex sells. Who would have thought it.
1. I could say my biggest turn on is a guys mind, or his eyes or some bullshit about his feelings (ugh...FYI feelings can be so gay they give me sugar shock sometimes) but my number one turn on is probably a nice ass!I am definitely an ass man. I can go nuts (literally) on a guys ass and do things that you don't repeat for decent company, but if a guys ass doesn't do it for me, I don't do anything for it. Firm, round, bubbly, and above all clean are great adjectives to describe my dream butt. Sorry, can't be fat...well its all fat, but no fat thats not pretty. And no flat asses. A great ass needs some personality. Its gotta have some pep and some perk and just the right bounce. If I ever get any cosmetic surgery done, its going to be ass implants. I mean its pretty nice if I do say so myself...but I don't want a droopy old man ass in 30 years and I don't want to exercise either. so implants it is. By the way my boyfriend has one of the hottest asses I've ever met. .. ..
2. Turn on number two is....a combo of creativity, fun, and imagination. I love trying new things, talking about hot fantasies, listening to stories with a bit of an edge. Sex should be fun. Any sex that inspires that feeling of doing something new and crazy fills me with that feeling that I had way back when giving a blow job felt like a dangerous new activity. I especially admire those guys that go all over the city to very public places and get their pictures taken totally naked. Thats so hot. I will get some pics like that someday...I just need to find the right partner in crime for that. Yes I already have a boyfriend kind of partner...he just doesn't get into that particular fantasy like me and its best to save that craziness for someone really turned on by it, not doing it just for me. I guess that leads me to my next turn on....
3. Other peoples turn ons turn me on. If Cain isn't really into taking naked pictures outside the Chinese restaurant Hung Far Low (yep...its a real place) then I don't get turned on doing that with him. Enthusiasm is contagious...so is desire. If I'm talking to someone about something that drives them wild...it kinda drives me wild. It's almost like I'm Peter from Heros (except I'm a huge dork.)absorbing other peoples powers...except I'm temporarily taking on their kinks and perversions. I'm a kinky freaky sponge. Seriously, if I am doing something that is really getting a hot reaction for the guy I'm doing it for, that makes me so turned on its amazing. I wouldn't get off making someone suck on my toes, for example, if they weren't nursing a foot fetish. It wouldn't do anything for me. But if someone goes nuts for that....I can go a little nuts myself.
4. Give me a P. give me an ER now give me a VERTS! what are you giving me? PERVERTS! unless your thing is Scat, or Blood or Electricity (things that freak me out, not turn me on) than I welcome most other freaky pervs and kinky deviants. I might not want to do it, but I will sure as heck watch. And listen. And ask lots of questions. Continuing a theme, if its out of the ordinary, dangerous, taboo, risky, then it ingites a spark of lust in me that feels great.
5. this should be number one....its a Good Kisser. The way someone kisses can make or break the whole act of sex, its not even funny. If there is no kissing I might have fun..but there is a glass ceiling I hit and I don't get any more turned on. I just don't. But when there is good, hot, spit swapping tongue action happening I can feel the passion rise up to a boiling point where I have to have this person, or let them have me. Kissing is the ingredient that can send it over the top for me. In my opinion a good kisser requires some compromising and flexibility. Pay attention to how the other guy is kissing and make it mesh better with how your kissing. The worst kissers don't have a clue to whats going on or they would be switching up their styles when it obviously isn't working. Have you ever made out with a cow kisser? He licks his big old tongue practically over your face like hes licking a salt lick. You get wet and feel yucky and never make a connection as he moves on to trying to eat your face slobbering all over you. Is the lizard any better? He keeps his mouth pursed tightly shut except for a few reptile like flickers with his tongue like hes hunting flies in your mouth...but god forbid your tongue touch the inside of his mouth. But a good kiss....it makes me drunk with passion and desperate to consume this person's kiss like a junkie getting a fix. Hot.
6. Dirty Talk. Sometimes dirty talk can be great if the one doing the talking does it right. The problem is that the right way to talk nasty is subjective. My partner in crime is usually really gifted in the art of hot talk. I mean he can drive me wild. But when he drifts off into cheesy porn star dialouge I can't help laughing hysterically and killing the mood. One of his lines that kills me is something about " hows your horny ass?" Say that out loud and tell me its not funny. He is not at a loss for admirer's, so even with the horny ass comment his game works for him. I just ask that he never type that cheesy 80's porn talk and credit it to me. I don't say that shit.
7. I have a thing for rockers. I love guys in bands, punks, guitar players, ...just rockers in general. I like the dirty torn jeans, piercings, the sleeves of tattoo's covering his arm and the chuck Taylors on his feet. I like guys who like good music, or music i consider respectable. He can be into Death Cab, The Shins, Modest Mouse, New Pornographers, Nirvana or the Beatles. Even if its not my thing I can find it cool. But if the only music he listens to is dance, trance, electronica, Brittney/Madonna/Celine Dion shit he doesn't inspire erections. Group hugs maybe, but not a hard on. It may be that that dirty rocker type isn't as visible in the gay community or at the typical gay bars and that type becomes rare and elusive, but that type makes me weak in the knees, and I like it .
Ok...that was a ranty unplanned mess. Most of my turn ons seemed to follow a pattern though. New, original, dangerous, edgy, kinky, tatted and deviant. Oh, and a good kisser. But just remember just because I say something doesn't mean its true. That doesn't sound right. When I state something as fact I mean it when I say it, but a few minutes later when you catch me jerking off to a clone, pretty boy, vanilla porn about typical suburban sex don't call me a lier...I'm merely open minded. (But I won't change my mind on this...you won't catch me tossing off to generic twinkie porn featuring bad kissers with a Celine Dion soundtrack.)